My Swinging Past

                                                              My Swinging Past                                  3/1/2017

                                                          written by: Lisa Morgan

As a child I used to sit with my maternal grandmother "Granny" swinging to & fro watching the grass grow or so it seemed to me at the time. My Granny was a Poarch Creek Indian lady of small stature, although she was larger than life itself to me. I'd brush my Granny's salt & pepper colored hair & she'd regal me with stories of the past. She'd talk & I'd listen, which for anyone who knows me was quite the feat, for me to listen & not chime in, nonetheless that is exactly how it happened. Granny was very near & dear to my heart. I remember the last time I saw her she was swinging on the front porch & telling me she wouldn't be around much longer. She had a premonition & her life was filled with premonitions that came to pass, as did this last one. Granny was a gentle soul, a kind woman, a tolerant woman & a God fearing woman who loved her family.

The reason I told this backstory to you is because it was a everyday occurrence in my Granny's life to swing to & fro in her old porch swing with the chipped paint. It wasn't until I was writing my book Get Beach Slapped a couple of years ago that it dawned on me why Granny loved swinging on her front porch. I was sitting on my back porch or lanai for those who prefer a more colorful term for porch, anyway I was doing absolutely nothing suffering from writers block when it occurred to me how peaceful it was just to be still. I rarely am ever still much less quiet so for me to be both simultaneously was quite miraculous & yet there I was at peace. I began watching the birds tending their nests while singing a happy tune. The squirrels were scampering from tree to tree forging for food & chirping at one another, as if it were a choreographed. I noticed the bees being chased by dragonflies, while my cats were mesmerized by the dragonflies. My dogs would occasionally chime in just to make their presence known. It was as if an entire orchestrated musical was playing out in front of me, quite the comical musical I might add. I wondered if one of the squirrels might be the mother to my orphaned squirrel Baby Nutt. I suppose I'll never know.

Why had I not noticed this before? How simple it was to stop, to do nothing but watch quietly & learn. I hearkened by to the days of simplicity with my Granny sitting, listening & watching. Granny's escape from the stresses of her day was to sit, swing, watch & listen. I suppose I'll never truly know what she was thinking about as she would sit gazing at her yard. I was too young to understand what being an adult entailed or better still what being an aging adult entailed. I was young, vivacious, ignorant beyond belief, filled with wonder & love for my Granny. She never was too busy for me though she was a hard working woman. She never was too tired to talk to me even though looking back now I see how exhausted she was at the time. She had a gentle voice, a forgiving soul, a humble woman indeed. Granny's swing was her sanctuary, her escape, her solitude where she would be still & unwind.

It reminds me of the bible verse Psalm 46:10 "Be still & know that I am God....". I believe my Granny was appreciating the many wonders of God's hands, the beauty, the enormity, which gave her humbleness. I wanted nothing more than to become wealthy one day to buy my granny a big house & take care of her, but it was not to be since she died early one morning, while visiting my Papa at the hospital where he was suffering from a concussion & broken collarbone; after a fall from atop a barn he was painting. Don't ask it's a long story, much longer than this blog. So my Granny passed away one month before my 18th birthday & I never bought her a big house, but never expressed a desire for anything, other than what she had each day.

Granny taught me to be still even though it took 35 years for the lesson to sink in. I never claimed to be Einstein. My Daddy's birthday will be coming up in April, he would have been 77. Daddy died at age 67. My Granny passed away at 65, so forgive me if I get a little melancholy over an old porch swing with chipped paint. My desire these days is to obtain a porch swing, whereby I can swing to & fro doing nothing, while gazing at the awe inspiring creations of God's hands. I guess I'm a much humbler woman than I realized. Maybe I'm a bit more like Granny than I realized. Thank you God! It's time to feed Baby Nutt. Life is filled with miracles everyday, if we only be still long enough to enjoy them.

Have a blessed week,
Lisa Morgan
@thebeachwife on Twitter
author of Get Beach Slapped www.getbeachslapped.blogspot.com

MAXIM Chic Media - social media management:
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 Always remember John 3:16

Saying Goodbye to Butch Trucks: A Truck Full of Soul

Saying Goodbye to Butch Trucks: A Truck Full of Soul                      written by: Lisa Morgan

                     (The one & only Claude "Butch" Trucks, Allman brother drummer)

My all time favorite band hands down is the Allman Brothers band. I was 6 years old when their first album was released in 1969. I remember my cousin listening to the Allman Brothers vinyl LP, while she had her door closed to keep me & her younger sister out of her sanctuary. My uncle was playing the Allman brothers, while working under the hood of any number of classic autos such as a Mustang, Camaro  or a Corvette; thus my affinity for classic cars, my first car being a 1969 candy apple red Camaro SS. My late dad was a guitarist & singer who listened to old school country, blues & bluegrass music. My daddy loved his fat bottom 1960 Les Paul Gibson guitar. My mom listened to Elvis rock-a-billy, Lil' Richard country & gospel. She loved to listen to 8 tracks, while driving with my siblings & myself in tow, but my mom can not carry a tune in a bucket. Think of Lucille Ball singing & that was my Mom, who loved to sing but did not have any pitch. My dad used to have me sing Merle Haggard with him,while he played his guitar & I was maybe 7 or 8 at the time. I am no singer or musician. If only talent rubbed off on you like a black cat's fur when you're wearing all white.  I have slept beside my musician husband for 32 yrs. & believe me musical talent or vocal ability does not rub off. One of the funniest things to me is when people realize I'm married to a musician & they ask,"Oh really, do you sing or play an instrument?" I always think the same the same thing & then reply," No honey just because I sleep with a musician, it doesn't mean it rubs off." My friend Michelle, whose deceased husband Jim, was a great guitar player & singer, agreed with me on this note. Funny how people assume talent rubs off, well believe it does not (giggling). Appreciation for talent is the result of being around someone with talent.

My dad was in a band when I was born. My mom said I would sleep all day & listen to the band rehearse, while I was an infant. Apparently the music soothed me. Oddly I would spend my entire life staying up late nights listening to music & for many years my husband's bands would rehearse for hours at our house. My dad's sax player was the late Sonny Royal, whom I was told was an excellent sax player. Sonny died a few years later from a brain aneurysm. Naturally being around music since birth, I married a bass player/vocalist. My husband Sol is a versatile bass player with a bluesy voice & the fact that he had a strong resemblance to Gregg Allman, was a no brainer. Sol's older twin brothers were huge Allman brothers fans, like most guys their age, so Sol was exposed to the iconic sounds of the Allman Brothers at a young age. Sol once told me that during the late seventies when he was a teenager, on the road with his brothers' band, that they were staying at a hotel in Biloxi, Mississippi, where the Allman Brothers, Doctor Hook were also staying. The bands were getting rowdy, partying a bit too much & many of the guys in those bands were arrested, for throwing furniture in the hotel pool. The life of a musician is neither glamorous, to be envied nor without much costs. The road musicians travel is a road of excess, addiction, groupies, soul searching, passions, inner sanctum, hardships, blissful moments unsurpassed on stage & brawls from hell. Never think that the life of a musician is without consequence, there is always a price to pay.

My husband's brothers were co owners in a recording studio for a period of time with the late Butch Trucks, who recently passed away from a self inflicted gunshot wound. If for some reason you have never had the privilege of hearing Butch Trucks play drums, then by all means do your soul a favor & listen to the Allman Brothers band. Butch was a founding member of the iconic soulful, bluesy, southern rock band, which shaped generations of musicians, with their unorthodox lineup of using two drummers. The Allman Bothers band molded my perception of music & forever spoiled me. I became somewhat of a music snob, this is what I call my husband, a music snob. Not just any 3 chord tune will do or any D. J. scratching records will ever compare to real musicians & vocalists. Either music has feel or it doesn't. You either have musical talent or you don't...period. Butch Trucks had the feel & the talent, by the truck full. A bullet silenced his life, but did not silence the music he created with his band of brothers "The Allman Brothers Band". If you know someone who is depressed please take time to listen to them, they may be reaching out for help & more depressed than you know. Depression has a way of enveloping a person. It is a complicated issue, one that can kill if left untreated. Search for your soulshine to combat depression.

Soulshine by the Allman Brothers band: https://youtu.be/pDIQ7Otf1mw

My husband's former drummer Tommy (Grammy winner from Asleep at the Wheel), once said that "nobody played a shuffle like Butch Trucks". Every musician I've ever met that has "feel" & knows "feel" agrees, that Butch Trucks was synonymous with "feel & locking it in the pocket". The two drummers for the Allman Brothers band Jamoie  & Trucks were the  backbone that meshed with Berry Oakley's bass licks driving the groove of the band; while Gregg's soulful voice melded with his enticing Hammond B3 melodies; urging your soul to stay & slowly groove a while. Duane's blues guitar spoke to the essence of your core & Dickey Betts signature riffs made the term "Southern Rock" what it would be known for. No other band melded blues, rock, gospel, country & jazz together, the way the Allman Brother band had done. They will always be synonymous with the Southern Rock sound, which I call Southern Soul.  No drummer alive today who can play a shuffle or put the beat in the pocket, does not respect the way Butch Trucks hit the skins on stage. The attitude of "give it everything you've got" drove Butch Trucks to perform for his fans, the only way he knew how, with all of his heart & soul.

I was listening to the Allman Brothers music the day before Butch tragically died. While I listened to two albums, I noticed how ironic it was that such a young group of musicians, in the late 1960's early 1970's would write lyrics, which their lives would mirror, as tragedy would befall this motley bunch of gypsies. They are the only ones who knew, what it was like to loose their band mate Duane, at such a young age & be damned determined to make sure the world never forgot, that while Duane walked this earth for a mere 24 years, he left a lasting impression on countless lives. Berry Oakley followed Duane a year later to the grave. I would be very remiss, if I did not acknowledge the impression Butch Trucks has made on countless people worldwide. The Allman Brothers band has seen me through some good times, late night revelries & some depressing times, all the while bringing peace & joy. The music of the Allman Brothers shaped the musical landscape, like a rushing river can carve out canyons, they have left their mark on music. The legacy of the Allman Brothers Band will be one forged from heart, soul, tragedy, grief, addiction, survival; all of which are heard in the blues, gospel, country, jazz influenced songs they recorded.

I suppose we will never know what Butch was thinking right before he passed away. My husband's former band mate also took his own life, with a bullet to the head & his wife my best friend found him, so I understand the pain the family feels. Sometimes the demons one suppresses will grow stronger, if they are not bound up & sent back to hell, where they belong. Addiction is a self imposed whipping post. You have to conquer it or it will consume you. Musicians are particularly susceptible to addictions, as they are basically assaulted with them at every turn.  The grief is enormous & at times will seem insurmountable for Butch's wife, children, family & friends. My heart breaks for Butch's wife. I'll say may prayers for her in the coming days, she will need all of the prayers & support she can get for quite some time. My friend Michelle, who found her late husband Jim dead from a self inflicted gunshot wound to the head. The amount of pain she endured was overwhelming to witness, yet I was rendered helpless to take away the pain she suffered. i could only lend a shoulder to cry upon, an ear to listen & a hand to help her up again. The agony one suffers when a loved one dies tragically never goes away, it lingers in the backside of your mind & your soul has impressions cast upon it, that will never heal. Memories have a way of either trapping us or elating us, thus we tuck them away for safe keeping. Time helps to heal the superficial wounds, but the scars from the pain remain for life.

My husband's youngest brother Jonny, passed away at age 26, from a tragic car crash. He left behind a young son. Nothing about grief is easy nor should it be. Life is very precious. We appreciate what we lose. The wise person appreciates before the loss & cherishes the moments, that will become memories. It's those memories that will sustain us throughout our lives, after a loss. The fool tosses moments around like a jester & scrambles to piece the memories together after the loss. Even a fool can become wise with enough time. I speak from experience & I'm sure I have company.

                                  (My God rest your soul Claude "Butch" Trucks. )

My dad named me Melissa & like many girls of the era, when I heard my name in a ballad, I was hooked. Melissa is one of the most beautifully written & yet haunting blues ballad I've ever heard. My husband has probably sang at least 20 different Allman Brothers songs, over the years with his various bands. You would be hard pressed to find any Southern band with members over the age of forty, who have not played Allman brothers songs. I feel my quest to find my misspent youth ever fleeting, like looking for an ice cube on the beach. The great musicians from my youth are one by one crossing over to the other side. Damn...I suppose I'm getting old, but I don't care because the 60's-70's produced some of the best blues, rock & funk songs ever recorded.

Do yourself a favor & treat your inner child to some down home Southern Soulshine from the original Southern Rock band "The Allman Brothers." Grab a glass of sweet tea, kick off your shoes & let your worries melt away. I promise you the Allman Brothers music is good for what ails you. I personally logged many long nights alone listening to their music, while my wild child husband was in a bar somewhere thumping his bass. I danced many hours in honky tonk southern bars with my friends during my youth, to the magical music of the Macon Ga. musical outlaws aka Allman Brothers. Hey I never said I was an angel (giggling).

The world has lost an outstanding drummer/percussionist with the passing of Claude "Butch" Trucks. The Trucks family has lost more than any of us could understand, but we empathize with the Trucks family during their time of great sorrow. I pray they find peace & comfort. Duane Allman, Berry Oakley, Allen Woody, Lamar Williams, Frank & Dan Tolar were joined by Butch Trucks on the other side.  I hope they all rest in peace & occasionally get together for a jam session. RIP Butch Trucks, you will be missed but never forgotten. Win, Lose or Draw....Never Knew How Much...Melissa....Jessica....Please Call Home... Queen of Hearts....Stormy Monday.....In memory of Elizabeth Reed....Black Hearted woman....Blue Sky....Multicolored Lady....Soul Shine....Midnight Rider.....Whipping Post.....Stand Back......Ain't Wastin' Time No More ....Southbound....One Way Out....Ramblin' Man....Statesboro Blues... These Days......Ain't my Cross to bear......
Ladies & Gentlemen the Allman Brothers band! Good night sweet prince, may you find the peace you so desired & may you rest in that peace.

Thank you for taking your time to read my blog post,
Lisa Morgan
Author Get Beach Slapped (a Non PC reality check book)
Artist/ Blogger/ Lyricist/ Screenwriter/ Certifiable Professor of Observation/ Humorist aka Smart Ass

#GetBeachSlapped #RT #AllmanBrothers #ButchTrucks #GreggAllman #Soulshine #AllmanBrothersband #music #blues #RIP #blues #rock #southern #DuaneAllman #Melissa #crossroads #RIP #suicide #family #cross #jam #jazz #country #death #DickeyBetts

No More Fleas Please!

                                                                 No more Fleas Please!
                    written by:Lisa Morgan                                     1/18/2017                                                

We have had a mild winter in most of the country & that means lots of insects will be attacking us when spring begins. Spring, summer & fall in most parts of the country mean flea season is upon us, along with mosquito season. If you have pets aka furry babies, then you have no doubt fought the battle of the fleas, probably losing the battle for the most part. We are told by vets to purchase over the counter flea treatments that seem to lose their effectiveness over time & also are nothing more than pesticides in either a topical or indigestible form. Who in their tight mind wants to knowingly poison their pets?

I have tried everything! I will say that I have found the apple cider vinegar that has the "mother" listed on the label to be the best solution & a natural cure or homeopathic solution. Simply mix 1 part ACV (apple cider vinegar) to 1 part water in a spray bottle & spray liberally each day for 7 -10 days after which touch-ups of twice a week should suffice. i usually either take the furry kids outside to spray or douse them or I bathe them & spay them afterwards while they are still in the tub.

If your pet has hot spots or has scratched spots where the skin is broken then use a diluted solution of 3 parts water to 1 part ACV & make sure to get the ACV with the "mother" listed on the label. You must shake the ACV before mixing with the water. Do not spray on or near the animal's face as it will burn. Treat your pets as you would small children.

Wash all bedding in HOT water & dry on HOT cycle to kill all fleas & their eggs. You can spray a white vinegar solution mixed 1 part vinegar to 1 part water on all bedding, furniture & flooring as needed. Be sure to test furniture  for color bleeding in an inconspicuous place. I have found that this mixture also takes out odors when it dries. Use table salt on carpets before you vacuum to dehydrate the fleas. You can mix the table salt with baking soda to absorb odors & further dehydrate the fleas, also it's safer & less expensive than other popular brands that mask odors & have chemicals. It's simply a natural home cleaning alternative to chemicals. I suppose this falls under the "staying green" category, that my Mom calls grandmother remedies or common sense approach to cleaning.

I hope this helps anyone struggling with fleas or flea infestations. The more time you are not spending waging a battle with the fleas, the more time you have to enjoy spring, summer & fall with your family & your furry babies aka pets.

Thank you for visiting my blog,
Lisa Morgan
Author of the reality check humor book Get Beach Slapped

MAXIM Chic Media - social media management
850-520-5040 MAXIM Chic Media team
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Spoiled Apples do Not become Apple Butter, they become Rotten to the Core

Spoiled Apples do Not become Apple Butter; 

they become Rotten to the Core

by Lisa Morgan                                                                  Sept 6, 2016

Apples conjure up visions of gardens, Eve & the infamous apple, apple bobbing & apples falling from trees. Although it's quite astounding how in an apple orchard Eve & Adam found fig leaves, I tend to believe they might have been in a grove of fig trees. Nevertheless Eve is synonymous with taking a bite out of an apple. Would she have done so if she had seen how rotten that apple was? After all any cook will tell you spoiled apples do not become apple butter; they become rotten to the core. You do not eat that which is rotten without paying a high price in the near future.

At what point did America choose to look the other way, as corrupt politicians tickled our ears with fanciful tales of what they could do for us, if we would only give them what they desired? Which obviously they desired our votes. We Americans gave up our votes in return for promises, tag lines of promises & sound bites of promises. The insatiable appetite to have it all & pay for nothing was too enticing to the millennials or the couch potatoes or those pesky Occupiers. You remember those "Occupiers of Wall Street" who went on to be employed as "professional rioters" being offended or angered at any oppression as long as it had a check attached with their names on it.

The entire Obama regime, Clinton gestapo is rotten to the core. The stench from these two groups is akin to an outhouse in July. Surely no one in America at this point can honestly defend the lawbreakers. America we the people have the Opportunity to Vote & tell Washington what we think of their lawlessness. Would you take this behavior from your children, your family, your neighbors as acceptable? Then why in the hell are you accepting it from Obama, his administration, Hillary Clinton her staffers & all of those interconnected in this vile web of deception? 

There are missing tax dollars to the tune of $6.5 trillion dollars, Obama has been giving billions more to Iran & yet he never goes to Congress or is held accountable for anything. Many Americans give him a hall pass to keep walking the halls of the White House as he shuffles off to yet another golf game. Obama has no compliance to any laws, making laws as it suits him & disregarding them as it suits him, says he is Above the Law & yet no one holds him accountable or responsible! Hillary Clinton loses thousands of emails, along with 11 cell phones which are also missing or lost in a black hole in the universe somewhere. We now know that Hillary had 13 cell phones not just one as she had previously told the American people & Congress. Unfortunately 2 of the 13 phones were smashed with hammers. One can only suppose that the alleged staffer who smashed the 2 phones was so disgruntled by the way his/her boss Hillary Clinton was being treated that he/she out of frustration found the first available $6 million hammer lying around the State Department. Surely the rules that govern American citizens do not apply to the President, former Presidents, former First Ladies, especially any Former First Lady who went on to become Secretary of State & who know is running for office of the President of the United States. I mean why would the same rules apply to such elitist that walk on different soil than we do? Forgive me I forgot they walk on air apparently & their delicate feet do not touch such things as dirt. Dirty feet might add up to dirty hands if one were to do the math so no feet with touch the ground in this administration. Got it?!

Now meanwhile back in the world of the Clintons, pay for play is considered donations, but Rod Blagojevich the disgraced Governor of Illinois is doing Federal time in prison for attempting to sell then Senator Obama's senate seat. You know that is quite different from Former President Bill Clinton & First Lady Hillary Clinton "renting out" the Lincoln bedroom at the White House to the highest bidder or "allowing access" to the State Dept. to the highest contributor to the Clinton Foundation. The Clinton Foundation is the favorite "charity" of Bill, Hillary & Chelsea Clinton. If I had a "charity" of my own, that "allowed" me to funnel or shall we say "divert" the funds, into my personal bank account, then you can bet that would be my favorite charity. It's all in the speech, the politically correct speech, you know that PC speech that Bill Clinton used with Hillary whenever she caught him cheating on her, which spilled over into otherwise polite dinner conversation in front millions of Americans. Surely you remember "What is the definition of "IS"? The transformation of America began at that moment but without hindsight how could you have possibly seen that one coming at you? The much later statements of Hillary Clinton saying much beloved things like: "what do you mean "wiped"? Like in wiped with a cloth?"As she referred to her server being wiped, no one was giggling but her along with her staffers. What difference at this point does it make America? I ask you what difference does it make?

It makes a difference or "matters" to the families of those who chose to stand up to the Clintons or the Obama regime. Remember Chris Stevens begging for help in Benghazi & he was a friend of Hillary's according to her but he was fresh out of luck, after having had dinner with a Turkish diplomat on the fateful night of the Benghazi attack. Four Americans lost their lives after a 13 hour standoff with "protestors", as Hillary & Obama called them just "protestors". I guess not unlike the "protestors" that occupied Wall Street or the protestors in Ferguson who stood with "Black Lives Matters". Maybe like those of Dallas who were used as shields, as a lone wolf gunned down police officers. Those same protestors who protested allowing everyone to know that their checks from "Black Lives Matters", which is funded by George Soros, those checks had not reached the outstretched fists of the protestors.

 How is it that so many can riot in Ferguson, after they have been given the time to destroy as their Mayor so eloquently stated just before she tripped on that pesky Freudian slip, yet they manage to go home with paychecks in tow but anyone willing to testify against the Clintons does not live to the read the obituaries the next day, they become the topic therein? Those who are brave enough to speak out aka protest or agreement to testify suddenly wind up dead but no one among the dead is given justice; no one is doing so much as a faux FBI investigation into their deaths. The remainder have sudden dementia brought on by the fear of prison but most likely death. Now I don't know about you but it seems to me if you took the political aspects out & looked at this for what it is then you would see a Cartel. Now it makes sense. While we have been busy judging the Mexicans, for their inaction in reference to the Cartels, we were being governed by our own Cartel. Look at the big picture & not the distractions.

 How far did that proverbial apple fall from the tree? Usually apples do not travel long distances when they fall, as Sir Isaac Newton, found when he sat under the apple tree. How could two people who can not seem to manage to be truthful with each other or anyone else for that matter raise an honest child. Logic would tell you that deceit, lies, distraction whether well intended or deliberately guided will breed more of the same if left unchecked, especially for decades. The Clintons managed to both lie for decades, left unchecked by Democrats, their donors, their voters just unchecked. No reality checks & balances, no IRS checks by  IRS Commissioner John Koskinen & balances, no checks & balances in spread sheets b y accountants or oversight from board members of The Clinton Foundation. None. 

This brings us to The Clinton Foundation which can apparently make a $225 Million dollar error on tax returns with no penalties. How is that possible? Maybe IRS Commissioner John Koskinen washes the delicate feet of the Clintons & Obamas, after all those feet must never be caught dirty, much less their hands. Always keeping others close by to do the actual "work" behind the scenes. The Head of the IRS did manage to keep those pesky conservatives tied up with audits, if President Obama or Hillary Clinton were offended. You know those democrats are sensitive to "being offended" much like the rest of us are sensitive to snake bites. Protestors doing dirty work rioting, burning & looting, while Black Lives Matters writes out their paychecks & George Soros bank rolls Black Lives Matters, just another one of those shovel ready jobs Obama created. 

Know that the larger image is coming into focus after the last eight years of corruption run amuck, despite the "distractions" aka lies & misdirection's, do you see the bigger picture? The spider web of lies spun by the elitists at the White House aka the professional politicians is far more intricate than the world wide web of the internet. Day by day the web is beginning to unravel with leaks from Wikkileaks, misspoken words of political correctness being translated form distractions to lies. The body count keeps rising among those who oppose or are compelled by subpoena to talk & yet the mainstream media turns a blind eye, as they eat more rotten apples waiting for them to turn sweet like apple butter. The bittersweet taste of justice will be the only thing that will make those spoiled rotten apples taste of sweet apple butter. Justice & only justice will give the American people the closure to this chapter of a long nightmare. Alas, the American people may have to settle for the sweet taste of saying just desserts aka saying good riddance to spoiled rotten apples aka professional politicians. Cleaning out a few barrels of rotten apples to make way for the new beginnings of some really appetizing apple butter made form home grown American apples sounds truly great.

Let's restore America with straight talk not more of the same aka double talk of political correctness, which is anything but correct, it's corrupt. Consider voting for Donald Trump when you go into the voting booth. Donald Trump may not always speak with PC terms or eloquence but he speaks off the cuff with passion from his heart. I'd rather have someone who does not choose their words so wisely during heated discussions than someone who asks redundant questions like what is the definition of "IS" or What do you mean by "wiped"? Those who calculate everything they say before speaking usually have something to hide, whereas those who speak off the cuff, in the moment tend to make gaffs but are telling you the truth.

 I think I will excuse myself to have some apple butter on biscuits with some sweet tea.

 Thank you for taking your time to visit,
~ Lisa Morgan 
 www.getbeachslapped.blogspot.com
Author of "Get Beach Slapped" the non PC reality check humor book.

The story does not end when one leaves the stage

    

                           written by Lisa Morgan                                               2/21/2016

 

 

The sands of time will never erase the impression you have made upon my soul. ~ Lisa Morgan

It was laid upon my heart today to write this blog post. I'm not sure why. What matters is that it will hopefully touch one person out there with a heavy heart or a hardened heart.

There is always that day in your life when someone close to your heart & soul passes away from this life leaving you asking why. Why is that person dead? Why is the world still turning? Why are people laughing? Can't everyone see the anguish you're feeling, the heart wrenching agony of a love lost or a friend lost? Why is the world not stopping as I mourn? It does not seem fair.

The truth is it is not fair but your mama always told you life was not fair or she should have told you that anyway. The reason the world keeps turning, the reason people continue to laugh, marriages take place, first kisses happen, the birds sing, women go into labor with the newest arrivals to this Earth is quite simple, so simple in fact, that while you grieve it makes no sense.

Life goes on after each life passes away because it must be that way. God is no respecter of persons; meaning no one is more important than the other. Whether you are a king or a pauper, a rock star or homeless person, from America, Africa, Saudi Arabia, China, Israel or anyplace in between. no one is greater than the next to God, for we are all equal in his eyes. if everything stopped for one then it would mean that life was more important than the next life or the previous life. The only time the skies went pitch black in the mid afternoon without the sun was when Jesus Christ died on the cross at Calvary. The earth moaned at what had taken place as the Son of God was crucified, after the people prayed for a savior & God sent his only begotten Son to the world, they rejected him. They were foretold centuries earlier how his birth would take place & of the holiness but the people were of the world, so they refused to see Jesus as the Christ. When you are of the world or emerged in the ways of the world, then you can not see what is right in front of your face because you have the sight of the world & not the sight of grace.
When you have the sight of grace or you walk with God, having accepted his Son Jesus or Yeshua (in the Hebrew language, there is no "J" sound in the Hebrew language, Ye-shoo-ah) then you see things with more clarity, as your spiritual eyes, ears along with your physical eyes & ears are opened; whereby you see the ways of the world for what they actually are which is not of God.

I said all that to state the obvious, no one among us, before us or after us will cause the world to stop, except Jesus/Yeshua. No one is greater than the next, we are all children of God our creator. We all have the exact same opportunity to love God, to honor him, to serve him, to accept his Son Jesus/Yeshua as our savior, as God loves us all the same. We will all be judged based on our deeds. You see the world must go on, children will continue to laugh, people will still fall in love, babies will enter into the world screaming to declare they have arrived. It is just as it should be. The lovers kissing, the puppies playing, birds singing, babies cooing & children laughing are to bring hope to the grieving soul, with the knowledge that life will go on with promise. The laughter, singing, sunshine, rain & yes the screams of a new born babe entering into the world are here to bring joy to the grieving soul.

Grieve for the ones who you have lost. They will not be coming back to you in this lifetime thus you are saddened as you should be but rejoice after that knowing that one day you will again see them in heaven. After the pain subsides, one day you will smile again as you hear laughter, you will laugh as your soul heals, you will most certainly never forget those that have made a lasting impression upon your soul; this is as it should be. There is a time for everything. I say this to all who are saddened, "This too shall pass." You will find you soul shine again just wait for it.

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan
Go to my web page www.getbeachslapped.com 

Author of the satirical reality check book Get Beach Slapped.
A book filled with reality checks, seasoned with life experiences, peppered with satirical humor & doused with a healthy portion of Southern charm. Download it today or purchase the paperback version. Thank you for your time to read this blog.

Postmarked: Fragile Handle with Care

written by Lisa Morgan                                                                                   1/25/2016

 I suppose you could say if Life were to have a title it would be "Fragile Handle with Care". We all are born into this world small packages with no manual or directions sent with us. It would be far easier for all involved if God had seen fit to send a manual with us to guide us from beginning to end of our lives. I suppose in a way he did, he sent us a book called the Holy Bible to lead us through good times, bad times, times of sorrow & times of triumph. We need only to read his word to have guidance, which many forget that God's word is our shield against the world, sent to us to protect us.

Life is very precious & fragile, as we all know to well. You can not love with out joy or pain be included in the love process, as they go hand in hand. The pain reminds of us how great the joy has been in our love. We as human tend to gravitate to the memories of joy tossing aside the pain, whether it be in childbirth or in the death of a loved one.

How great is the love we have for each other as we walk through life? Great enough to cause the heart to ache, as if it would shatter into a million pieces if not for the inner strength you find in faith. Great enough to give one the confidence to conquer anything & move mountains for that love knows no limitations. You can not truly be alive on this earth without having loved, which means you have also experienced loss while walking upon this earth. The loss though extremely painful does allow us to appreciate & revere the joy, laughter, intimacy & the silence when no words need be spoken, that we have with our loved ones.

I write this today after having news that a classmate from high school has lost her brother who was my niece's step father. Brad was killed in a tragic car accident leaving behind 4 children & my ex sister law Tammy. I can not fully express how I am shocked by this news of Brad's passing or how grieved I am for his family. There will be forever be a void in their lives. My brother in law Jonny was also killed in a tragic car wreck 25 yrs ago & yet it feels like yesterday. My Dad passed away 8 years ago & I still get chocked up talking about it. The loss never goes away; we simply learn to cope with it. Also about ten years ago my sister law was killed in a car accident. I know that loss, as you are given earth shattering news, that feels like an earthquake has simultaneously struck, while lighting knocked you to your knees. The days, months ahead will be difficult & sometimes almost unbearable & in these times reach out to God for healing, strength & support.

 Reach out to loved ones & friends to lean upon as none of us can be strong all the time. Animosity, anger are sometimes harbored in relationships, when they go sour. It never does anyone of us good to have an unforgiving heart. We all fail & fall short of the kingdom of heaven. I have been guilty of this un-forgiveness. I had to truly seek to let go of harbored useless emotions that weighed down my soul. When I forgave those who had caused me harm, I prayed that those whom I had harmed, would also forgive me. I hope that they have or will one day. Not one among us is without fault. When tragedy strikes we must come together to heal. No one knows the loss a another feels when they lose a loved one, we only empathize with them or sympathize with them based off of our experiences with loss, each loss is different. God be with those who have felt the loss of a loved one & whose soul cries out in agony from each breath they take.

My best friend lost her husband almost 4 years ago. I saw first hand what the intense loss of a spouse can do to your soul. Time has passed by & my friend smiled, laughed and shared moments of happiness with me as we shared dinner last night. It was a blessing to see her soul shine again. Soul shine is a wonderful thing. I have friends who are expecting a child late in their lives, when they thought they would not have another child, as they are in their forties & fifties, but the child is due any day now. As one life exits this world swiftly without any notice, another life eagerly enters the world. My best friend's son got married a few months ago & is embarking on a new course in his life as a young married man, where the possibilities are limitless for the newlyweds. I spoke to a woman who in her mid fifties had given up on finding love again after a divorce & being single for almost ten years, then she found her soul mate last year & married two months ago.

  I'll send this out to anyone who might read it with a heavy heart from grief or a weightless heart enthralled in the passions of love; we do not know the day, the hour or the moment we will be called to leave this earth to join our departed loved ones & our creator God. Today one has a heart ripped from them as they grieve intensely the loss of a family member, while another has witnessed the miracle of life through a child entering into this world; at these times we feel the presence of God much greater than we do in our everyday mundane tasks of life. Appreciate the time you have with those around you with whom you cherish, for at the blink of an eye any one of us may be called to be with the Lord.

There is a passage in the Bible that reads "Be still & know that I am the Lord", which is of comfort to me because in times of pure bliss or times of extreme pain God is always with us to shine his light upon us, to share in our experiences on this earth also to guide us with his loving light.
Though we walk, we never walk alone.

My prayers are with those who are grieving the loss of loved ones. My prayers are with those bringing a new life into the world. My prayers are with the newlyweds who are starting a new life together. May we all place perspective in our lives to clearly see the importance of life, to love without holding back, to embrace joy, laughter & smiles that come our way, to lean upon others when we are not strong, to find comfort knowing God is always watching & always here with us. Be blessed each day to find the good you have been blessed with even in a bad day, for each day that we are alive & breathing is truly a good day.

Smile as your loved one tells that same old joke or story you have heard one hundred times before, place the smiles you receive in a mason jar for safe keeping in your memory bank, you will need them again one day. Let go of the anger, resentment, past pain someone had thrust upon you, it is not worth your precious time to hold onto emotions of anger or resentment, when you can not hold onto love or joy when you are clinging tightly to anger & resentment. Soul shine happens when your soul experiences bliss, happiness, joy, forgiveness. Soul shine is as dim as a candle light on a moonless night, when a soul grieves. Help those who are going through loss in their lives. These are among the good works spoken of in the bible than will make up the fine linen you will wear in heaven. The grieving process will take significant time maybe several years, for the one grieving to once again have their soul shine, be relentless in standing with them to catch them when they collapse or to hug them when they need an embrace. Be mindful to listen when that is all you can do for the grieving soul. One day maybe many days away soul shine will return, be ready to share that soul shine.

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan

Author of the book Get Beach Slapped
www.getbeachslapped.com
Download your copy of the satirical reality check book Get Beach Slapped today! 

Tribute to Glenn Frey

 written by Lisa Morgan                                                                                                   1/18/2016

                                                                Glenn Frey

I sit here tonight listening to Eagle's music as I realize one by one the musicians from my glory days are taking a final bow & leaving the building never to return, for an encore performance. Iconic artists, songwriters, singers memorialized in their music. Actors frozen in time on film waving goodbye. My middle age self is watching as the candles are being blown out on my youth. 

Musicians of today do not harmonize like the Eagles did. They don't have the talent or the desire to hone their craft, as many of the music legends of yesterday. Guitarists like those in the Eagles are few & hard to find.

Friends & Family have left this earth to wait on the other side, where each will travel down the seven bridges road leaving a hole in the world tonight. There's gonna be a heartache tonight as music mourns Glenn Frey.
I actually understand the way my mother felt on the day Elvis died. I'm watching my own mortality be peeled away before my eyes. When the icons of your youth pass away, then you know there's no going back, the past is gone. It went by like dust to dawn.....you know that tune from Aerosmith.

Thank you Glenn Frey, for helping me get through the good days, the bad days and all the crazy years since the seventies. Heaven sure has an awesome band with the addition of Glenn Frey! My prayers go out to Glenn Frey's family, the Eagles band & to the world who lost one of the good souls today. My soul shine is dimmer tonight but I'll play some more Eagles tunes to turn up the old soul shine again.

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan
Author of Get Beach Slapped book
www.getbeachslapped.com  
@thebeachwife on Twitter

Happy Holidaze!

Happy Holidaze:

One of my favorite things about the Holidaze is the comforting smells of baking that permeate around the house. Cinnamon banana nut bread, vanilla coffee & hot peach tea are currently filling the air. Each day brings a new scent of wintertime & the comforts of home. It's the little things like eating banana bread with hot coffee or hot tea, while you stare at the stars or watch the sunrise that make life special. The realization that not one of us can create a star or a sunrise puts into perspective how insignificant we are as are our problems; having said that God finds each one of us important. Each & everyone of us is important enough to God that he knows our needs before we ask. 

Make time for God each day & along the way make time each day to put your feet up, appreciate the beauty of God's creations & find your serenity. Smile at someone for no reason other than they are not smiling. 

Christmas is the day Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus, the Santa Claus tradition is a by product of commercialism.  Happy Holidaze is the term I use to describe the lunacy that has taken over the winter months. I'll leave you with this thought: For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whomsoever believeth in him shall not perish but have everlasting light. Jesus is the reason for the Christmas holiday season. Merry Christmas!
~ Lisa Morgan

Author of Get Beach Slapped Book
www.getbeachslapped.com

PC has died & calling BS has begun after Jihad hit San Bernadino!

12/3/2015                                                                   written by: Lisa Morgan

Climate Change according to POTUS Obama is a worse threat than ISIS or radical Islamist terrorism or radical Muslims. One day after the San Bernadino mass shootings what does Obama now say? I'm sure his narrative & that of the left wing establishment of progressives will be workplace violence. My problem with this is....(rolling out a list that looks to be a mile long)...for starters this mass killing was conveniently targeted at a soft target where there would be a group of people without guns on the premises. Secondary the fact that the couple Farook & Malik had been making bombs & going directly from an Al Qaeda playbook to make bombs attached to remote controlled cars throws out the workplace violence theory. The neighbor had seen people going in & out of the garage late at night for weeks after several packages were arriving. The neighbor was afraid of the PC police labeling her a racist or bigot therefore she did not alert the authorities as she thought to do.
Hold it right there! The PC or political correctness was the driving force in a person not contacting the authorities with suspicious activities by a neighbor. I'll "play" the IDIOT Liberal for a moment aka devils advocate. The known killers Farook & Malik could have been secret Santas making toys in their garage, ordering parts from Amazon to build remote control cars that they would give to small children, take to a holiday Christmas party or bring to a neighborhood block party for a group of families with small children to play with, even possibly they were making remote control devices, toys for the refugees coming into America. We all know that the widows & orphans that POTUS Obama wants to bring into America would need toys & remote control devices to occupy their time while attempting to adjust from their Muslim culture to American life...right?!
Screeeeech.....stop the play acting right now! All of those thinking this is a dress rehearsal for life please reengage your brains. Real people lost their lives yesterday on Dec. 2, 2015, after Farook & Malik two Muslims that were Radical Muslims murdered 14 innocent people & wounded 17 others of whom at least 2 are critically wounded at this time. Farook & Malik took advantage of a holiday party/meeting to begin their rampage but it was not intended to end there as the cache of bombs, bomb making materials & arsenal of weapons & ammunition indicated. Enough with the PC morons who have set agendas to keep Americans dazed & confused, as they want us to believe they are seeking to make America a utopia with out guns, violence from hateful speech, without people offending anyone by stating race, religion, gender or salary. No these leftist progressives who guise themselves as Democrats or democratic socialists want to fundamentally remake America. Obama said it repeatedly as did his sidekicks Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, John Kerry, Nancy Pelosi , Harry Reid & the list goes on.
Obama is the one who gave timelines on retreating in the middle east, moved into areas to destabilize them then pulling out, who stood by while Assad mass murdered his own people, while Christians were beheaded, children were beheaded, hung from trees & POTUS Obama did nothing. The Muslims have mass migrated or marched across Europe with intentions of taking over not integrating into society there. Rapes, murders are up over 100% & upwards by Muslims against Europeans in order to strike fear. The Muslim influx that has overwhelmed Europe is headed for America, make no mistake about that fact either. POTUS Obama has not defended the constitution nor protected Americans but he has destabilized the middle east, watched as the Muslim refugees left in a mass exodus to predominately Christian countries where they have committed thousands of crimes against the citizens of those European countries. Exactly how has Obama protected us by not closing our borders, by deporting Christians so sought asylum & importing Muslims who despise Christians & Westerners? What has POTUS Obama done to make this country safer from terrorist, as the POTUS & many Democrats push for illegals to get amnesty, have no ID's to vote, as illegals are given free health care, overloading our educational systems that seek to appease & embrace the Muslim faith but demonize Christian faith? America was founded on Judeo/ Christian values which are evident in our constitution & all around us Not on Muslim principles. We have the 2nd amendment to protect American citizens by allowing them to bear arms to protect themselves from the obvious threat of terrorism otherwise we become hostages like European countries like France where citizens can not bear arms & the public at large are sitting ducks for terrorist who seek to mow down human lives like clearing wheat fields. Make no mistake the Christians, Hindus & Buddists are Not committing acts of terrorism! It is the Muslims who are waging Jihad on the world & yes they hate westerners & Americans.
We as American citizens must stand up for our country for our way of life even if our President & many of those in political power holding office will not. We must speak out, vote out the liberals, demand that our President listen to American Citizens, I said Americans citizens not illegals. We need to forget PC & wake up from this nightmare of liberal progressive that seeks to choke the life out of freedom, liberty & happiness in America. We as Americans must not allow the leftists to continue to divide us along racial lines, to keep the divisive speech & throwing of race cards in our faces, as they seek to brainwash us into believing that all cops want to do is murder blacks, that all Muslims are good people that Christians and conservatives are radical, that words offending are worse than climate change & climate changing of the seasons is worse than radical Islam or ISIS or ISIL or whatever you choose to call murderous Muslims. I do not think the naturally occurring four seasons are beheading people, mass killing people with assault rifles, driving bomb laden vehicles into shopping areas around the world. No radical Muslims are doing those things, those are facts!
The POTUS probably will tell us next that climate change is our worst enemy facing us, thus seasonal change brings fashion changes & fashion is our enemy therefore we must all dress alike as good little socialists, we must wear Hillary Clinton pant suits or Michelle Obama sheath dresses. We would give up our individuality for the government to even the playing field. You wouldn't want that in a sports field for the football teams to pick & choose players in the football game to even the playing field? No that would be absurd but somehow saying everyone must give more money to the government for them to give away as they see fit to those not working is somehow acceptable. I call BS! this is all BS & Americans must stop the PC madness & not be afraid to call BS! I personally have declared this is where PC died & the era of calling BS has begun!
My prayers go out to all the families affected by yesterdays senseless acts of terrorism & to all those who lives have been affected by terrorism. My hope during this holiday season is that people would ope their eyes & ears to seeing the truth & to calling out the liars in our government who have protected Muslims, illegals over protecting American citizens.
MERRY CHRISTMAS! Happy Holidaze & PC be damned! God Bless America!

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan

(author of the book Get beach Slapped) www.getbeachslapped.com

I had a Farmhouse in America (spoken in Meryl Streep's voice)...A Funny farm!

I'm seriously considering purchasing a farmhouse. I thought I'd never move again. "Never say never for that is exactly what you will do" is my mother's motto and yes my mother is once again correct, as always. I am on a quest to find the perfect or imperfect farmhouse to acquire before I retire. Hmmmm.... kind of catchy don't you think? I will be blogging throughout the process which I'm sure there will have many ups and downs, as all home buying experiences usually possess. Oddly enough I feel like I'm coming home in my soul and yes I suppose I am coming back home. Who said you can never go back home? Oh yes that would have been my dearly departed Dad many, many moons ago when I was in my early twenties.

Actually a farmhouse anywhere in the south would suit me. Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, South or North Carolina maybe Florida or Louisiana. Texas is not out of the running. The idea of having acreage with fruit trees, a garden, a view, a flowing creek appeals to the down to earth side of me. Getting back to my country girl roots is something that I would not have envisioned a decade ago. My how things change! It reminds me of what my mama has always said, "Be careful what you say you won't do, for it's exactly what you will end up doing, if you're not careful." Funny how God's plans for our lives will supersede our plotted out distorted version of paradise. Sometimes that dirt road looks mighty appealing especially when walking another step on pavement seem impractical.

I've always wanted to give my homestead a name. A name that reflects who my husband & I are so I think the farmhouse will be christened "Solitude". My husband's name is Sol, so the name Solitude would announce to the world that "Sol" & "Tude" reside here.

What about a barn? I could sit in the loft of the barn after a day of working in the garden & I could chronicle the events of the day from sunrise to sunset. Can't you just see me doing an old school version of reality TV, where you read what is happening with the occasional snapshot, to give you the visual. There would be no list of all the meals or snacks ingested because in reality who cares!? The chronicles would be about the ups & downs of farm life. The moments of laughter, intensity or excitement when the garden or fruit tress spring forth their bounty from the earth. Yes moments of gratitude, harmony mingled with dirty jeans & un-manicured nails & salon free days. I'm up for the challenge! Let the games begin.....that sounds like I'm an Olympiad, which is absurd. Let the best of the rest of my life begin!

I can see myself sipping tea from the back porch of the elusive back porch, target shooting at a series of tin cans lined up across the property as my hubby picks up the cans & re-positions them on top of old wooden wine barrels. He would ask me if I'd like a refill of tea & what my dinner menu consisted of as he walks through the screen door to start the laundry. The dogs are all holding their dinner bowls while the cats are sleeping on the porch swing. The catfish are jumping, old paddle wheels pumping and something is off. Did my hubby just refill my tea glass & ask me what I wanted for dinner as he went to do laundry? Wait I must have dozed off for a moment! Well a girl can dream can't she? Call that moment reality checked!

The quest to find my farmhouse in America has begun. I sit here typing gazing out my office window watching the blue jays chasing squirrels around the trees. The dragonflies are zipping to & fro while the butterflies are fluttering as butterflies do. My cats are stalking the elusive dragonflies. The dogs are basking lazily in the afternoon sun ignoring the curious squirrels scampering around the trees. The birds have spotted the seeds I tossed out for them. I love the way nature knows exactly what it is to be doing, while humanity seems somehow stumped by our need to control life & everything around us. Humanity wants to "fix" what God has created or to "enhance" God's creations. We fail miserably, create chaos & call ourselves successful masters of the universe, as if we are playing some gigantic video game in a virtual world. I think that the birds, squirrels, cats, dogs, butterflies, bees & butterflies have more sense than most humans. Maybe what I need to do is get back to nature, learn to relax, put my hands in the dirt, kick off my shoes & tune out the noise. God provides for all of his creations. I have faith that it will all turn out the way that it should.
My foot has fallen asleep which is code for me to leave this desk chair to venture outside. I hear a glass of green tea calling my name.

I'm quite sure there will be a book written about this journey. Maybe I'll call it "Down on the Funny Farm"? You can purchase my last book Get Beach Slapped online at bookstores & ebook sites or go to my webpage for links.

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan 

Follow me on Twitter @thebeachwife.
my Facebook page Get Beach Slapped
 
www.getbeachslapped.com
#humor #lifelessons #realitycheck  #home #alabama #farm #family #getbeachslapped #book #farmhouse #blogger #humor

Life is More Precious than Diamonds

 10/16/2015                                                                               written by: Lisa Morgan


Life is multifaceted like a diamond, but Life is more precious than any gemstone. Life is fragile like a dandelion and yet we are careless with it. When you smile or laugh…pause & let that moment sink into your memory. Life is good. Life is not always easy nor should it be. If life were always perfect, rosy, sunny & fair then how would we appreciate it, not having been down, troubled, without or in need? When you are troubled be glad that tomorrow will be better & you now have the knowledge you need to appreciate the good times just over the horizon. We all have bad moments, remember to make the most of those moments that shine brighter than any diamond.

Shiny baubles & glittering apparel are just body adornment but the true way to shine is through laughter & smiles which result in soul shine. Just like the song by sung by the Allman Brothers band says,"soul shine is better than moonshine, better than sunshine, damn sure better than rain." Though I may occasionally adorn myself with a little glitter trust me none of it is more valuable than laughter with friends or family.

I have a good friend who is the type of friend everyone should have. Michelle would rather have flowers in her hair than diamonds around her neck. Friends who see the beauty in life, appreciate God's creations & take you at face value, rather than valuing the materialistic possessions in life
are priceless.

Anyone who laughs, smiles & glows with joy from within is very rich indeed, for no amount of wealth can make you happy & give you soul shine. I wonder if the banks accept soul shine?
Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan

                                 

Get Beach Slapped! http://www.getbeachslapped.com
#RT #getbeachslapped #humor #lifelessons #nook #kindle #googleplay #amazon
Download my book Get Beach Slapped in bookstores or online @ iTunes for Apple, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, amazon & other bookstores. Thanks for supporting my work!

Reality Checks are the Answer to Selfies

written by Lisa Morgan                     7/15/2015

Is everyone on earth as sick & tired of seeing selfies as I am or am I the only non narcissistic person left on the planet? Surely I jest! No I'm very serious about this topic. There was a time not that long ago when another person would take a snapshot of you, but now it's all the rage to take selfies doing absolutely anything or nothing as the case may be. I personally draw the hard line in the sand over the selfies sticks. Really people? Do we really need to take selfies of ourselves enough that someone devised a stick...a stick I said that holds your phone in order to get a better selfie or group pic on your cell phone. 

Wow! We are a world of self indulgent people who are nothing more than lab rats for corporations. 

"Make it & they will buy it"  should be the slogan for Americans. We need a technology intervention, especially when it comes to selfies because I do not want to know nor do I care about what you are eating, what your expression was when you woke up or when you got drunk at the local pub not to mention

everything in between.

Being self centered has gone to an all time high and an all time low at the same time. What ever happened to flipping open your wallet to reveal a four foot long trail of pictures of your family, pets & friends? Most people only had a picture of themselves on their driver's license in their wallet back before smart phones. Don't get me started on the "smart phone"! Now people have more selfies on their smart phone than they do of family, pets or friends, as a general rule anyway. This is a sign of the times & yes the times are changing my friends. Change is not always a good thing, in fact it can lead to falling hard. I just hope when people wake up from the selfie nightmare that they have had some common sense knocked back into their heads, when they fell back into reality. Reality checks do bounce you know! I for one know that reality checks bounce. When your reality check bounces make sure you Get Beach Slapped with humor cause you're going to need it. Falling on your butt is never fun but if you were traveling on the road less traveled, the dirt road when your stormy days encompassed you just before your reality check, then your fall on your butt may have been softened by the puddle of mud that the storm you were in created. You see God will always leave you a way out if you trust in him, which does not mean you will never fall, you most certainly will because you are after all human; it just means your fall may have a bounce to it. So don't worry about that last five or ten pounds you've been trying to lose because you may need some padding on your butt the next time you fail & have a reality check. A thud is always worse than a splash! 

I suppose you get the picture on my opinion of selfies, no pun intended.....actually it was intended. Let's see a picture of  the beach instead of a selfie. I hope you like this one and it helps to put your mind into a state of Soulshine, which is by far the best state to be in, sorry Florida you are my next favorite state.

You gotta love it!

Here's a picture that needs no words.

 Get Beach Slapped!

Thanks for spending some of your time with me, your time is more valuable than money,

Lisa Morgan

Author of the satirical reality check book Get Beach Slapped 

www.getbeachslapped.com

Get Beach Slapped: to get slapped with a wave of information or a Reality Check

 

Have you been Beach Slapped? GET BEACH SLAPPED today! Beach Slapped is like a reality check with injections of humor. Life lessons do not come without a price & this one is probably on sale somewhere. This book was written at a time when after losing my Dad, being married most of my adult life, I was trying to find myself. I started writing after a long hiatus and I discovered that my brain wanted to speak out on a whole laundry list of topics, even though my mouth never seems to cease talking. Apparently my brain may not always be engaged when my mouth is conversing. Well imagine that?!

Get Beach Slapped is basically an introduction into my world. The Beach Chronicles will be a 3 part series of books filled with reality checks, stories, humor, one liners, life lessons and hopefully usable wisdom. My mother always said,"Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself." Learn from my mistakes & of those around me that I write about, believe it's much easier than living through the chaos.

 The short version is my name is Lisa Morgan aka The Beach Wife and I'm in the "F'ers" Club (over Forty-Fifty Club), married  27 years to a professional  musician, that I've been with for 31 years. Can I just get an applause & a cheers to that statement? We live with our furry children of whom almost all are rescues. Just when you thought life was going according to your plans, Boom life throws you a curve ball or in my case a ball of clumped cat litter. Read on & it will make sense.

                    

At last count we have 5 dogs, 3 of whom are 5 1/2 lbs or less so they really are more like rats than dogs, 1 is about 11 lbs & one is about 80 lbs. The 11 lb. rescue was put on a plane from Cali & flown out to me, so she wouldn't be euthanized. I still am not sure that I ever actually said," Sure go ahead & fly me dog on a Delta flight & I'll pick her up at the airport." It just somehow happened that I got a flutter of texts & the next thing I know the new arrival is to be picked up the following morning at the airport. Now do note that the day of her arrival was my hubby's birthday, which made it easier to break the news to him. It also helped that she took to him immediately & started sitting on his lap in his recliner to watch TV.

The two cats both have identity crisis's, one is 17 years old & has come to think of herself as a dog and she also views the newest rescued feline as a nuisance. The newest feline is a whirling dervish who's only a year old now and she is a country girl at heart who rolls in the dirt.  She loves to play football & wrestle with the dogs when she's not running up a tree. When the whirling dervish cat was about 10 weeks old she started throwing her litter box clumps at me, after she had done her business in the litter box. Mind you, she went directly to the litter box on day one of her rescue & she was only 5-6 weeks old. I thought at the time she wanted a clean litter box, No she wanted to play. She mounted aerial assaults at me every time I entered the bathroom & she would get annoyed when I scooped out the litter box removing her urine clumps or as they came to be known the "pee balls". She finally out grew the tossing of pee balls, thankfully. She does sometimes sit on the toilet though. Never a dull moment at Morgan manor. Life threw me a clumped up pee ball with 2 more rescues, but I love them both dearly. You can never map out your life according to your GPS because sometimes your GPS loses signal. God will have a totally different route planned for you. I found it to be much easier to follow God's planned route for me, than to deviate from God's route. Inevitably when I would take my route there would be pot holes, washed out roads, traffic jams & accidents. It's much easier to daily ask God to lead your way & his will to be done. You will have bumps in the road mingled with dark storms but God will show you a way out, for God's GPS does not lose signal. Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

                                           

                    The Whirling Dervish feline on her throne, she is a royal pain sometimes but I love her!

This is starting to feel like one of those moments, when someone pulls out their wallet & out falls a plethora of pictures of the family. Actually I just truly dated myself severely. No one carries pics in their wallets anymore, they carry cell phones filled with selfies. Silly me! Color me old school.

 Now you know why I write, for my sanity. Keeping my sense of humor also is for my sanity and for those around me who enjoy the serenity of silence while I'm writing. I read somewhere that writing is an introverted profession, which is true. You listen to your own thoughts, your brain contemplates what your fingers will do next as they type. Believe me my brain and my fingers do not always agree and sometimes that is not a pretty sight.

Let me post one more pic just for the fun of it. The lovely beaches of Florida where I call home. Life is a beach & my alter ego when I write is the "beach wife". Thanks for reading my blog & remember to rescue, adopt or foster animals. Animals give unconditional love 365 days a year; they do not care if you gain weight, have a bad hair day or if you forgot to brush your teeth because their love is unconditional.

  

www.getbeachslapped.com is the web page to find all the links for my book Get Beach Slapped

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Thanks for spending your time to read this blog, your time is more valuable than money.

Lisa Morgan aka The Beach Wife 

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