Thoughts from the porch

                                                Thoughts from the porch

                                                      By: Lisa Morgan

 

Have you ever wondered why people who tout everyone should be open minded are actually themselves air heads? Why is that do you suppose? Maybe the new "buzz" word for the moment is open minded, which is the new term for air head, the more offensively term, for those who won't take the time to think or they have more than one brain fart at at time. Some of these open minded folks aka air heads have perpetual brain farts, which may have resulted in their blinds being blown one too many times. Perhaps it's the brain farts, that have caused the door to have remained open, on their minds leading to the open mind. 

The humorous part is that the open minded people often times are not open minded at all, they simply want everyone around them to be open minded to their thoughts, ideology or whims. Your mother said shut the door for a reason! Just for the record I must also add that brain fart is the more offensively term for senior moment or lapse of judgment or misspoken. Slice it anyway that you like, the meaning is the same....brain fart! The moment when you see the light bulb in some one's brain get switched on usually is the after thought of the brain fart. I'm here to enlighten those who suffer from being too open minded, without actually thinking through thoughts. You know what I mean, just allowing those thoughts to flow in one ear through the brain & out the other ear & never retaining anything. They allow someone else to tell them what to think because it's easier than actually thinking for themselves which requires work. We all know most people nowadays run the opposite direction of work. Work is the dreaded four letter word that is whispered while the new four letter word that is embraced is F#ck! Why is that? People used to be ashamed to say that "F" word & now it's like a badge of honor. What is going on people?

Please save an air head from too much open mindedness. Tell them to shut the door & ponder topics. Help stop brain farts across America! Help the open minded by handing out common sense to go along with that open mind. Common sense is the cure for all brain farts, perpetual open mindedness, misspoken words, lapse of judgment. Senior moments will happen to those well up in years & their cache of common sense should purchase them a well deserved break, for that senior moment.

It is great to being open minded to suggestions, to seeing some one's view, to addressing a situation from a different approach, but to leave the door open to the mind is dayhem foolish. You can't let everything into your brain without having a filter on it! Think of your brain, as your home. You have a door to your home to allow people to enter & exit, to keep things in & things out. Folks in the south have screen doors beyond the doors allow fresh air to flow in & keeping the unwanted pests like flies & mosquitoes out. Likewise with the brain you should have a filter to keep out things that are toxic, dangerous, ignorant or plain foolish from living in your brain. Those are my thoughts from the porch, the place that I ponder my thoughts while sipping on tea, mostly tea. I hope you kept your open mind while reading this blog & that you laughed along the way. Now don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you! Come back real soon for the next installment.

Thank you for sharing your time with me,

Lisa Morgan

                 Author of Get Beach Slapped a satirical reality check book


 #RT #GetBeachSlapped #humor #realitycheck #book #blog #openmind #porch #southern #tea #laugh #ebook #Amazon #barnesandnoble #Googleplay #screendoor #airhead

Beware: Killer of Tequila on the Loose

Beware: Killer of Tequila on the Loose

The following is an excerpt from by book Get Beach Slapped, a satirical Non PC reality check. I took a realistic look at life & my life to be exact. My rebellious views from my twenties had grown up & I found that my views had changed but not my values, this is very important not to conflate the two. Keeping your sense of humor is advantageous, as you age because you will need it. I found that having a sense of direction is far more important, than a sense of humor as you age. The ability to find a bathroom wherever you are is crucial after age 50.  Go ahead & read the meme I created. If this post gave you a giggle or chuckle then go to Barnes & Noble to download my reality check book GET BEACH SLAPPED or purchase the paperback, if you're old school like me. 

Amazon has my book, as does Google play. I personally like to support bookstores, but I'm thankful if you buy the book.

 

Have a stellar week my friends. I'll be doing some much needed writing over the next few weeks, so stay posted. #GetBeachSlapped #RT #books #

#author 

Thanks for taking your time to read my blog,

Lisa Morgan 

Author Get Beach Slapped

Animal Lover

Music lover

Survivor of marriage to musician

Known to be a consummate smart alec 

Artist/ Screenwriter/Blogger/lyricist

Buttercups hold onto your Whiny Hineys

 Buttercups Hold onto your Whiny Hineys  

by Lisa Morgan                                                                                            Sept. 9, 2016

                                              The Buttercup Generation of Whiny babies

The Buttercup generation cries because they're offended by words, by actions, by appearances, by appearances of actions & they're offended that others might be offended, by the tantrums of the Buttercups. The Buttercups stomp & burn our American flag, they sit down in protest at our National Anthem. Contrast the Children of the 40's, 50's, 60's & 70's  who cried when we got whoopings, because our parents wanted to make sure we knew right from wrong & we did not embarrass them by acting like unruly brats or Buttercups. The Children of the 40's, 50's, 60's & 70's hold the American flag in high esteem along with the National Anthem. Hey Buttercups hold onto your hineys because LIFE has not yet begun to Whoop your A$$es. Life has a funny way of slapping your behind or hiney back into reality,  when you get too big for your britches (pants).  FYI: If you check the southern dictionary of slang then you will find that britches are pants, whoopings are serious spankings but not abuse & the hiney is your behind, butt or A$$. I'm sure my mother will call me with a few choice words for me after she reads that I wrote the word A$$. (IF you must ask what a Whooping is, then you have Never had one, trust me!) ~ Lisa Morgan www.getbeachslapped.blogspot.com

~ Lisa Morgan
author of the book "Get Beach Slapped" a reality check humor book

I had a Farmhouse in America (spoken in Meryl Streep's voice)...A Funny farm!

I'm seriously considering purchasing a farmhouse. I thought I'd never move again. "Never say never for that is exactly what you will do" is my mother's motto and yes my mother is once again correct, as always. I am on a quest to find the perfect or imperfect farmhouse to acquire before I retire. Hmmmm.... kind of catchy don't you think? I will be blogging throughout the process which I'm sure there will have many ups and downs, as all home buying experiences usually possess. Oddly enough I feel like I'm coming home in my soul and yes I suppose I am coming back home. Who said you can never go back home? Oh yes that would have been my dearly departed Dad many, many moons ago when I was in my early twenties.

Actually a farmhouse anywhere in the south would suit me. Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, South or North Carolina maybe Florida or Louisiana. Texas is not out of the running. The idea of having acreage with fruit trees, a garden, a view, a flowing creek appeals to the down to earth side of me. Getting back to my country girl roots is something that I would not have envisioned a decade ago. My how things change! It reminds me of what my mama has always said, "Be careful what you say you won't do, for it's exactly what you will end up doing, if you're not careful." Funny how God's plans for our lives will supersede our plotted out distorted version of paradise. Sometimes that dirt road looks mighty appealing especially when walking another step on pavement seem impractical.

I've always wanted to give my homestead a name. A name that reflects who my husband & I are so I think the farmhouse will be christened "Solitude". My husband's name is Sol, so the name Solitude would announce to the world that "Sol" & "Tude" reside here.

What about a barn? I could sit in the loft of the barn after a day of working in the garden & I could chronicle the events of the day from sunrise to sunset. Can't you just see me doing an old school version of reality TV, where you read what is happening with the occasional snapshot, to give you the visual. There would be no list of all the meals or snacks ingested because in reality who cares!? The chronicles would be about the ups & downs of farm life. The moments of laughter, intensity or excitement when the garden or fruit tress spring forth their bounty from the earth. Yes moments of gratitude, harmony mingled with dirty jeans & un-manicured nails & salon free days. I'm up for the challenge! Let the games begin.....that sounds like I'm an Olympiad, which is absurd. Let the best of the rest of my life begin!

I can see myself sipping tea from the back porch of the elusive back porch, target shooting at a series of tin cans lined up across the property as my hubby picks up the cans & re-positions them on top of old wooden wine barrels. He would ask me if I'd like a refill of tea & what my dinner menu consisted of as he walks through the screen door to start the laundry. The dogs are all holding their dinner bowls while the cats are sleeping on the porch swing. The catfish are jumping, old paddle wheels pumping and something is off. Did my hubby just refill my tea glass & ask me what I wanted for dinner as he went to do laundry? Wait I must have dozed off for a moment! Well a girl can dream can't she? Call that moment reality checked!

The quest to find my farmhouse in America has begun. I sit here typing gazing out my office window watching the blue jays chasing squirrels around the trees. The dragonflies are zipping to & fro while the butterflies are fluttering as butterflies do. My cats are stalking the elusive dragonflies. The dogs are basking lazily in the afternoon sun ignoring the curious squirrels scampering around the trees. The birds have spotted the seeds I tossed out for them. I love the way nature knows exactly what it is to be doing, while humanity seems somehow stumped by our need to control life & everything around us. Humanity wants to "fix" what God has created or to "enhance" God's creations. We fail miserably, create chaos & call ourselves successful masters of the universe, as if we are playing some gigantic video game in a virtual world. I think that the birds, squirrels, cats, dogs, butterflies, bees & butterflies have more sense than most humans. Maybe what I need to do is get back to nature, learn to relax, put my hands in the dirt, kick off my shoes & tune out the noise. God provides for all of his creations. I have faith that it will all turn out the way that it should.
My foot has fallen asleep which is code for me to leave this desk chair to venture outside. I hear a glass of green tea calling my name.

I'm quite sure there will be a book written about this journey. Maybe I'll call it "Down on the Funny Farm"? You can purchase my last book Get Beach Slapped online at bookstores & ebook sites or go to my webpage for links.

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan 

Follow me on Twitter @thebeachwife.
my Facebook page Get Beach Slapped
 
www.getbeachslapped.com
#humor #lifelessons #realitycheck  #home #alabama #farm #family #getbeachslapped #book #farmhouse #blogger #humor

Life is More Precious than Diamonds

 10/16/2015                                                                               written by: Lisa Morgan


Life is multifaceted like a diamond, but Life is more precious than any gemstone. Life is fragile like a dandelion and yet we are careless with it. When you smile or laugh…pause & let that moment sink into your memory. Life is good. Life is not always easy nor should it be. If life were always perfect, rosy, sunny & fair then how would we appreciate it, not having been down, troubled, without or in need? When you are troubled be glad that tomorrow will be better & you now have the knowledge you need to appreciate the good times just over the horizon. We all have bad moments, remember to make the most of those moments that shine brighter than any diamond.

Shiny baubles & glittering apparel are just body adornment but the true way to shine is through laughter & smiles which result in soul shine. Just like the song by sung by the Allman Brothers band says,"soul shine is better than moonshine, better than sunshine, damn sure better than rain." Though I may occasionally adorn myself with a little glitter trust me none of it is more valuable than laughter with friends or family.

I have a good friend who is the type of friend everyone should have. Michelle would rather have flowers in her hair than diamonds around her neck. Friends who see the beauty in life, appreciate God's creations & take you at face value, rather than valuing the materialistic possessions in life
are priceless.

Anyone who laughs, smiles & glows with joy from within is very rich indeed, for no amount of wealth can make you happy & give you soul shine. I wonder if the banks accept soul shine?
Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan

                                 

Get Beach Slapped! http://www.getbeachslapped.com
#RT #getbeachslapped #humor #lifelessons #nook #kindle #googleplay #amazon
Download my book Get Beach Slapped in bookstores or online @ iTunes for Apple, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, amazon & other bookstores. Thanks for supporting my work!

#AllLivesMatter or Do They? You can't have it both ways unless you're a Democratic Socialist!

Oct 16, 2015                                                                                        written by: Lisa Morgan

It was quite appalling to say the very least that the #Dems at the Democratic debate could not bring themselves to say #AllLivesMatter, instead they pandered for votes vocalizing one by one #BackLivesMatter. The Democratic party has become even too left for most of the lefties & not far enough for the socialists who taught them as Progressives, which I'm sure even the left wing insurance owned Progressive company would be offended by being lumped into the same name game as Democratic Socialists. Yes Democrats or maybe just Bernie Sanders, has found a way to PC about socialism; let's call it Democratic Socialism & it will sound more acceptable & American.
Think again Mr. Socialism or Democratic Socialist!

Does anyone wonder why socialists are the most anti-social people around? Well it could have something to do with them wanting to put their hand into your wallet & donate or redistribute your hard earned money to someone else who spends their days on the couch watching reality TV, instead of joining reality & working for a damn living. Socialism has worked so well for communist China, just ask the Chinese; oh right you can't because most of them do not have access to the internet or cell phones because of socialism/communism. You see if you are far too quick to place your hand in someone's pocket then you are either
A: reaching for their wallet/money or B: you are wanting to play pocket pool, which I'm sure the later would be fine with Bill Clinton but you better not touch his millions made from giving speeches while Hillary was Secretary of State. Hillary is fine as are most Progressives & Socialist with giving away Your Money, just Not Their Money! Have you ever noticed Socialist countries do not have a dictator who has his wealth distributed, no the Dictator is always far wealthier than the average Joe or Jill, unlike Joe or Jill Biden who would have you believe they are one of you. That's a typical political maneuver politicians flaunt to attempt to convince you that they are a n average Joe or Jill working paycheck to paycheck as many Americans are these days. Don't tell me you are still astonished by the fact that dictators run socialists & communist countries! Do you think Putin has redistributed his wealth? Give your brain a rest.

When Putin looks more like a Capitalist than anyone on the Democratic ticket for President of the United States, then Houston we have a problem! When #Hillary calls for Capitalism to be reigned in; it's time to get a history lesson. When was the last time you read the constitution or the Bill of Rights? Do you know the founding principles of this country & what made this country great?

Freedom is what this country was founded upon & Capitalism is what allowed anyone, regardless of social status, to build a better life for themselves & their families. Do not let the Progressives/Socialists of the New Democratic Party deceive you with their rhetoric about this country, be informed. Look at other countries where a woman can not leave home without a scarf covering her head or face & Hillary Clinton along with Carly Fiorina are both successfully in the race to potentially become the first female president of the United States of America. Hillary bashes America & Fiorina touts the excellence of American freedoms & capitalism at it's finest. It doesn't take a brain surgeon to see Washington is in dire need an infusion of Common Sense & Not dollars & cents; they have taken enough tax payer dollars to as Obama said "fundamentally rebuild America". Okay Mr. President where is the your progress report is an "F" for Failure! You have managed to divide the country as much as the 1960's if not more, raise unemployment to levels equal to the 1920's, convince some people that police officers are terrorist while systematically refusing to call Islamic radicals terrorists. The President has led the march to defend criminals & vilify police officers as he honors thugs, radicals & criminals by attending their funerals, requesting their presence at the White House, all the while he snubs police officers gunned down while on duty or off at the hands of thugs. Mr. President why didn't you attend the funerals of slain Black, White, Hispanic or Asian police officers but you attended the funeral of Michael Brown.

Apparently it takes a brain surgeon to balance a budget in Washington & thank God we have one running for the Presidency in 2016, Dr. Ben Carson. We also have a bizarre love hate relationship with a billionaire reality TV star who is seeking the office & maybe you have heard of him...Donald Trump. Let's get this straight we have a card carrying socialist who honeymooned in the Soviet Union & his name is Bernie Sanders. Mr. Sanders appears to be an angry revolutionary from the 60's who is caught in a time warp who just happens to resemble the mad scientist from the movie "Back to the Future". He should have gone to live in Venezuela next door to Chavez after he returned from his honeymoon.We have the former First Lady, Ex Secretary of State, who might get indicted for her private email server lest we forget her flippant attitude over her cope-ability in the Benghazi deaths of 4  Americans on 9/11 & she also declared she is in favor of socialism. Do not confuse Hillary with her husband former President Bill Clinton, she only uses the Clinton name when it serves to surge her poll numbers, otherwise she is simply Hillary, she is a woman of her own making. Those are the two on the far left Dem side & the other three were a snore fest, so onward to those on the right side the Republicans. Well this is beginning to sound like a screenplay for a lampoon movie rather than a list of Presidential candidates, just keep reading.

We have the two top tier front runners, neither of which are career politicians, one is a retired neurosurgeon & one is a widely successfully businessman. I previously mentioned Mr. Ben Carson & Mr. Donald Trump or The Donald, who share the long list of presidential candidate's list with former CEO Carly Fiorina, Senator Marco Rubio, Governor Jindal, Senator Cruz, former Governor Huckabee, Senator Rand Paul, Senator Santorum,  former Governor Bush not to be confused with his brother or his dad, both former Presidents, so he goes by Jeb, like Cher but far less energized according to Mr. Trump. The list just goes on & on. You must conceded this list is impressive & entertaining at the same time. This list of Republicans is far more varied than the Democratic selections & these people actually make sense. They actually answer questions versus the Democrats who skirt question with silence followed by being inconspicuously absent.
Why should it even be a matter of discussion to say #AllLivesMatter? The straight forward in your face truth is #AllLivesMatter period. No amount politically correct BS will change that fact. As we know most, but not all Dems are #prochoice & not #prolife. You see to truly say All Lives Matter, then you must agree to be Pro Life, right!? No sidestepping political flip flopping needed on this? Either Planned Parenthood selling aborted fetal parts is appalling or it isn't?! Either you agree All Lives Matter or you just pick & choose. If you pick & choose what lives matter & what lives are dispensable, while you have wine over a dinner conversation pertaining to planned abortion, then aren't you somewhat like a terrorist who seeks out to destroy the lives that are deemed by the terrorist to be dispensable? What did I offend some of you reading this? Good, maybe you should be offended but not by me by a political climate that thinks Globally Warming or their new buzz words of "Climate Change" or more of a threat to America that radical terrorist. Maybe you should be offended by the Dems going as far left as to stand at a Democratic debate declaring they are socialists! Maybe just maybe you should be offended that you are so easily offended & you do not have the backbone to take back your country from Socialists who have been parading as Democrats.

Bernie Sanders wants to raise the tax rates to 90% leaving you with only a whopping 10% of your paycheck, while he redistributes your money to those less fortunate. Hillary Clinton wants to Give Free Tuition to All illegal immigrants, meaning Anyone who can make it here to America & walk across the border or those Obama has brought in on plane, train or buses at American expense (Yes it has happened, look it up); gets Free College Education. Alas all of us poor saps who were born in America who can not afford to go to college without working two jobs & spending 15 years after college in debt to pay for it, no we won't be "Entitled" to Free Tuition, only the Illegals get that Freebie from the Dems. How many of you want to present the Federal Government with your bill or your children's bill for college & say "Pay This!?" I thought so! If illegals are going to be given Free Tuition but American citizens aren't entitled to Free Tuition but instead we are entitled to pay the bill for the illegals' free tuition, then aren't we as American citizens being discriminated against? I call BS on this because it definitely smells very foul. All Americans should be offended by by this waste of tax dollars & by the discrimination against American citizens of all races.
Where do you think Tax payer Dollars come from...the government...duh?! Wrong! The tax payer dollars come from tax payers meaning you! Yes you every time you pay sales tax, tax on anything such as property taxes, income taxes etc. Now when you see that your money is being squandered Not just some money you thought that the government printed each time they needed to pay a bill; are you really so quick to dismiss the Spending of this Democratic administration led by President Obama, as just an unbalanced budget? Are you willing to say All Lives Matter, except those of the Ambassador to Libya & 3 other brave Americans? Why don't their lives matter? They do just ask their family & friends. Are you willing to say All Lives Matter except those of unborn fetuses; fetuses that we know have functioning brains when they are aborted? Mr. Obama wants No term limit on abortions & No medical care for them when they are born breathing at 5, 6, 7, 8 months, remember no term limits.

Are you willing to say All Lives Matter, but turn a blind eye to police officers risking their lives to keep you safe from crime? Do All Lives Matter to you or do only #BlackLivesMatter? If you say only #BlackLivesMatter as the Dems did in the debate stage, then you must concede that black on black crime is by far the largest proponent in the equation. Obama does Not yell from the White House steps that Chicago, Baltimore, New York, Philadelphia, Detroit, LA & many inner cities should stop the gang violence, stop the black on black genocide. No instead our President Mr. Obama seeks to further divide this country through whatever means necessary, race, job, religion with no qualms. Joe Biden smirks as he & President Obama look down upon America with disdain for all our forefathers endured, fought for & achieved to make America the Greatest country on the face of the planet Earth.

Do not believe me read about this for yourself. Seek out various news outlets, posts by bloggers, just get yourself informed. Know about the backgrounds of the candidates, hold them accountable for their words & actions. Think to yourself if you or your child had committed the action or said what the people have said & done, then would your feet be held to the fire? Would society hold you or your family member accountable for a crime or a loss of life? The IRS officials holding the highest offices in the IRS broke laws, should they be held accountable? The IRS would have No qualms about holding any of us accountable? Just ask Wesley Snipes, Willie Nelson or any of the other hundreds of thousands of people who have been harassed by the IRS.

It's time we as Americans hold Washington accountable! It's time we hold those wanting to hold the highest office in the land accountable. Ask Mr. Obama to be accountable for his unbalanced budgets & frivolous spending of our tax dollars. It's time we as Americans say enough is enough & we take back our rights as Americans. Americans act like Americans, have a backbone like your forefathers. If you have ever served in the military,  had a family member who served or knew someone who served in the military, they have backbone. Grow a spine & stand up for yourself, stand up for America & say No More to the Progressives & the Socialist! America has protected us & we are Now going to Protect America!
God Bless this Great Nation of America! Maybe I should run for the office of the President of the United States? I knew I'd have you laughing by the time this rant was over! Wise up America, do not let politicians fool you with rhetoric.

A society is judged on how they treated each other, how they treated their poor, elderly, children (including the unborn) & their weak, but also on how weak they were in judgements, both in & out of the courtroom or the voting booth. You see your actions have consequences & all of our actions consequently will write our history.

Thank you for taking your time to read this rant,
Lisa Morgan

www.getbeachslapped.com  for links to my book #getbeachslapped
Download my book Get Beach Slapped for humor, Free Life Lessons, quotes & one liners.
#Trump #BenCarson #Cruz #CarlyFiorina #Rubio #Huckabee #RandPaul #Jeb #Hillary #BernieSanders #getbeachslapped #politics #humor #2016elections #Hannity
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Reality Checks are the Answer to Selfies

written by Lisa Morgan                     7/15/2015

Is everyone on earth as sick & tired of seeing selfies as I am or am I the only non narcissistic person left on the planet? Surely I jest! No I'm very serious about this topic. There was a time not that long ago when another person would take a snapshot of you, but now it's all the rage to take selfies doing absolutely anything or nothing as the case may be. I personally draw the hard line in the sand over the selfies sticks. Really people? Do we really need to take selfies of ourselves enough that someone devised a stick...a stick I said that holds your phone in order to get a better selfie or group pic on your cell phone. 

Wow! We are a world of self indulgent people who are nothing more than lab rats for corporations. 

"Make it & they will buy it"  should be the slogan for Americans. We need a technology intervention, especially when it comes to selfies because I do not want to know nor do I care about what you are eating, what your expression was when you woke up or when you got drunk at the local pub not to mention

everything in between.

Being self centered has gone to an all time high and an all time low at the same time. What ever happened to flipping open your wallet to reveal a four foot long trail of pictures of your family, pets & friends? Most people only had a picture of themselves on their driver's license in their wallet back before smart phones. Don't get me started on the "smart phone"! Now people have more selfies on their smart phone than they do of family, pets or friends, as a general rule anyway. This is a sign of the times & yes the times are changing my friends. Change is not always a good thing, in fact it can lead to falling hard. I just hope when people wake up from the selfie nightmare that they have had some common sense knocked back into their heads, when they fell back into reality. Reality checks do bounce you know! I for one know that reality checks bounce. When your reality check bounces make sure you Get Beach Slapped with humor cause you're going to need it. Falling on your butt is never fun but if you were traveling on the road less traveled, the dirt road when your stormy days encompassed you just before your reality check, then your fall on your butt may have been softened by the puddle of mud that the storm you were in created. You see God will always leave you a way out if you trust in him, which does not mean you will never fall, you most certainly will because you are after all human; it just means your fall may have a bounce to it. So don't worry about that last five or ten pounds you've been trying to lose because you may need some padding on your butt the next time you fail & have a reality check. A thud is always worse than a splash! 

I suppose you get the picture on my opinion of selfies, no pun intended.....actually it was intended. Let's see a picture of  the beach instead of a selfie. I hope you like this one and it helps to put your mind into a state of Soulshine, which is by far the best state to be in, sorry Florida you are my next favorite state.

You gotta love it!

Here's a picture that needs no words.

 Get Beach Slapped!

Thanks for spending some of your time with me, your time is more valuable than money,

Lisa Morgan

Author of the satirical reality check book Get Beach Slapped 

www.getbeachslapped.com

Get Beach Slapped: to get slapped with a wave of information or a Reality Check

 

Have you been Beach Slapped? GET BEACH SLAPPED today! Beach Slapped is like a reality check with injections of humor. Life lessons do not come without a price & this one is probably on sale somewhere. This book was written at a time when after losing my Dad, being married most of my adult life, I was trying to find myself. I started writing after a long hiatus and I discovered that my brain wanted to speak out on a whole laundry list of topics, even though my mouth never seems to cease talking. Apparently my brain may not always be engaged when my mouth is conversing. Well imagine that?!

Get Beach Slapped is basically an introduction into my world. The Beach Chronicles will be a 3 part series of books filled with reality checks, stories, humor, one liners, life lessons and hopefully usable wisdom. My mother always said,"Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself." Learn from my mistakes & of those around me that I write about, believe it's much easier than living through the chaos.

 The short version is my name is Lisa Morgan aka The Beach Wife and I'm in the "F'ers" Club (over Forty-Fifty Club), married  27 years to a professional  musician, that I've been with for 31 years. Can I just get an applause & a cheers to that statement? We live with our furry children of whom almost all are rescues. Just when you thought life was going according to your plans, Boom life throws you a curve ball or in my case a ball of clumped cat litter. Read on & it will make sense.

                    

At last count we have 5 dogs, 3 of whom are 5 1/2 lbs or less so they really are more like rats than dogs, 1 is about 11 lbs & one is about 80 lbs. The 11 lb. rescue was put on a plane from Cali & flown out to me, so she wouldn't be euthanized. I still am not sure that I ever actually said," Sure go ahead & fly me dog on a Delta flight & I'll pick her up at the airport." It just somehow happened that I got a flutter of texts & the next thing I know the new arrival is to be picked up the following morning at the airport. Now do note that the day of her arrival was my hubby's birthday, which made it easier to break the news to him. It also helped that she took to him immediately & started sitting on his lap in his recliner to watch TV.

The two cats both have identity crisis's, one is 17 years old & has come to think of herself as a dog and she also views the newest rescued feline as a nuisance. The newest feline is a whirling dervish who's only a year old now and she is a country girl at heart who rolls in the dirt.  She loves to play football & wrestle with the dogs when she's not running up a tree. When the whirling dervish cat was about 10 weeks old she started throwing her litter box clumps at me, after she had done her business in the litter box. Mind you, she went directly to the litter box on day one of her rescue & she was only 5-6 weeks old. I thought at the time she wanted a clean litter box, No she wanted to play. She mounted aerial assaults at me every time I entered the bathroom & she would get annoyed when I scooped out the litter box removing her urine clumps or as they came to be known the "pee balls". She finally out grew the tossing of pee balls, thankfully. She does sometimes sit on the toilet though. Never a dull moment at Morgan manor. Life threw me a clumped up pee ball with 2 more rescues, but I love them both dearly. You can never map out your life according to your GPS because sometimes your GPS loses signal. God will have a totally different route planned for you. I found it to be much easier to follow God's planned route for me, than to deviate from God's route. Inevitably when I would take my route there would be pot holes, washed out roads, traffic jams & accidents. It's much easier to daily ask God to lead your way & his will to be done. You will have bumps in the road mingled with dark storms but God will show you a way out, for God's GPS does not lose signal. Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

                                           

                    The Whirling Dervish feline on her throne, she is a royal pain sometimes but I love her!

This is starting to feel like one of those moments, when someone pulls out their wallet & out falls a plethora of pictures of the family. Actually I just truly dated myself severely. No one carries pics in their wallets anymore, they carry cell phones filled with selfies. Silly me! Color me old school.

 Now you know why I write, for my sanity. Keeping my sense of humor also is for my sanity and for those around me who enjoy the serenity of silence while I'm writing. I read somewhere that writing is an introverted profession, which is true. You listen to your own thoughts, your brain contemplates what your fingers will do next as they type. Believe me my brain and my fingers do not always agree and sometimes that is not a pretty sight.

Let me post one more pic just for the fun of it. The lovely beaches of Florida where I call home. Life is a beach & my alter ego when I write is the "beach wife". Thanks for reading my blog & remember to rescue, adopt or foster animals. Animals give unconditional love 365 days a year; they do not care if you gain weight, have a bad hair day or if you forgot to brush your teeth because their love is unconditional.

  

www.getbeachslapped.com is the web page to find all the links for my book Get Beach Slapped

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Thanks for spending your time to read this blog, your time is more valuable than money.

Lisa Morgan aka The Beach Wife 

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