Baby Nutt Chronicles: This squirrel is nuts!

 Baby Nutt Chronicles: This squirrel is nuts!

By: Lisa Morgan

Baby Nutt

How do you feed a baby squirrel? You feed a baby squirrel with a syringe that you can purchase at a feed store, your local vet or possibly Walmart. The baby bottles may aspirate the baby & cause him/her to get fluid on their lungs & die. Be careful when feeding not to go too fast. My bay squirrel just had a birthday last Saturday. It's hard for me to believe Baby Nutt, my orphaned squirrel is almost 9 weeks old now. Where has the time gone? When Baby Nutt was 7 weeks old, I introduced avocado  pieces into his diet.along with the milk formula he drinks daily. It has been amazing to watch him grow from a tiny 3 week old squirrel with basically fuzz all over, into a rambunctious grey squirrel with a fluffy tail.


 He graduated from the small pet carrier, that he had been living in from the age of 3 weeks until 5 weeks of age, to a large pet carrier, in which he now takes up residence. It is a fully equipped squirrel crib with small tree limbs horizontally crossing through the holes on the sides; this makes a cross hatch pattern, for Baby Nutt to climb & swing upon.  He discovered he could jump last week. My husband yelled at the TV & it startled Baby Nutt who went from being asleep to leaping straight up in the air & hitting his little head on the top of the pet carrier, with a resounding thud! It was funny, but it felt bad for Baby Nutt, who appeared to be shaken for a moment. He shook it off like a trooper & it was at that moment Nutter Butter had an epiphany! He realized he could jump. Well suffice it to say he has gone form being a baby squirrel to a teenage spider monkey. He's bouncing off the walls literally.

Baby Nutt eating avocado.

Baby Nutt has also become quite affectionate. He has been smelling me from the beginning but last week when he started running across my arms, up & down my back; he began approaching my face to dole out mini kisses upon my nose or my cheek. Twice this week he decided it would be exciting to climb to the tallest part of Mom, my head. Luckily, I keep my hair up in a hair clip when I tend to him or let him out to play in my office. No he does not roam free in my office, unless you consider him scaling me like a mountain climber, to be roaming free.

It is quite amusing to see him shaking the door of the pet carrier. I give Baby Nutt a voice, so that when he shakes the pet carrier door I yell,"Attica, Attica!" Baby Nutt always looks at me as though I'm nuts. (Pun intended.) It's always interesting down here on the Funny Farm. A good example of the chaos, is when I stepped out on my front porch to feed the stray cat Pops, that apparently has adopted us, that's when I was startled by the opossum who I thought was just passing by last fall. He's twice as big as he was in the fall, so I'm assuming he has been eating cat food for months from the porch, thus his size. Cats, dogs, a squirrel & a opossum oh my! Like I said, "Funny Farm". Sometimes I feel like I've been transported back 50 years to an episode of the TV sitcom "Green Acres" & it extended into the next TV sitcom "Beverly Hillbillies" only without the uber oil wealth. (giggling)

Baby Nutt the messy eater with avocado & carrots scattered about.

Until we meet again at this same blog, have a blessed week. Remember no matter how chaotic your life is, at least you're not living on a Funny Farm & there is always someone less fortunate than you, with much less than you are blessed with. If you have your health you're a wealthy person indeed. God bless!

Thank you for spending your time with me,
Lisa Morgan
Author Get Beach Slapped
Muse at Maxim Chic Media

#RT #MAXIMChicMedia #squirrel GetBeachSlapped #cats #dogs #farm #health #pet #funny #porch #BabyNutt #author #blessed #blog #greenacres #beverly #hillbillies #TV #sitcom #wealth #babysquirrels #farm

The Baby Nutt Chronicles: Baby Nutt says "Hello World!"

                                     The Baby Nutt Chronicles: Baby Nutt says, "Hello World!"

                                                       written by: Lisa Morgan   2/28/2017

Baby Nutt

It has been a rather warm February this year despite a few cold snaps that lasted a mere one to three days. Today was no exception with the mild temps, thus I decided to open the backdoor from my master bedroom leading to the veranda (that's back patio for those above the Mason Dixon line). My dogs had just finished their afternoon snack & were eager to stretch their legs while doing some business outside. The fresh air welcomed itself into my master bedroom & I was obliged to prop the door open with a chair, so the wind would not slam the french door shut, when I turned my back on it.

I noticed one of my tuxedo cats named Nemo scurry into my master bathroom. Nemo is a gentle giant of a cat, who is basically still a kitten although he is 18 months old. After maybe five minutes I noticed Nemo had an object he was playing with on the bathroom tile floor. Nemo stood next to what appeared to be a dead field mouse. It dawned on me that Nemo had scurried inside with a prize, which I was going to immediately dispose of properly. Nemo then scooped up the rodent with his paw & threw it on the floor. I saw it move slowly. I shooed Nemo away with my hands & I then eased closer to assess the situation. Upon closer inspection, much to my surprise the field mouse was an infant squirrel.

I gently picked up the squirrel with a clean washcloth. I observed there were no cuts, blood or visible injuries to the tiny light grey baby squirrel. My next move was to place a chenille blanket around the baby squirrel to warm him or her up, as the infant was cool to the touch. I told my husband & he immediately went to the most knowledgeable & nosy busy body on earth to get further information....Google. What do you feed a baby squirrel? How often do you feed baby squirrels? What formula do you feed a baby squirrel? Sol my husband had found a website www.squirrelnutrition.com  that had a wealth of information on the topic of rescuing, feeding & loving squirrels. Who knew? The all seeing all knowing busy body Google that's who knew. William Sells & Squirrel Haven Rescue many thanks to you, for your helpful information on squirrels. I read as much as I could on baby squirrels in between his first feedings.

Luckily we had whole milk, coconut oil in the house & my husband only had to purchase heavy whipping cream from the store. The formula is 1 cup whole milk, 4-5 tablespoons heavy cream 6-7 drops of coconut oil or about 1/2 teaspoon, then you heat all ingredients in a boiler on low heat until it starts to get frothy. You will need to stir often while cooking to keep the formula from scalding. Remove the boiler from the heat & allow it to cool to room temperature. As with a human baby you will need to test the temperature before placing the formula in a syringe to fee the baby. Never feed a cold baby squirrel You must have the squirrel warm before heading him/her.

I swaddled the baby squirrel & placed him/her in a pink milk crate atop a twin sized ivory colored chenille blanket. My brother had once raised a baby squirrel & he also gave me tips for the newborn. My next move was to heat up a bag of uncooked rice for a minute & then place the rice in a small cotton zippered pillow cover. It was warm & would bring the baby squirrel's body temp up & stabilize it, while I mixed & heated the milk recipe to feed the helpless creature. I mean how hard could this be to keep this helpless animal alive? You feed it, keep it warm, stimulate it as it's mama would to encourage it to move it's bowels & kidneys & you repeat. Wow I'm attempting to nurture this squirrel to save it's life. God please help me!

Baby Nutt being fed by syringe in my studio

Baby's need food, diaper changes, to be warm, to be held & loved. I can do this because in the past I have raised three kittens with eyedroppers, syringes & bottle until they were old enough to eat food. Surely this could not be much different. I know the routine of 2 hour feeding around the clock & setting my alarm to wake & feed the kitten or in this case squirrel. Luckily for the squirrel I don't sleep more than two to three hours at a time nightly, without waking to the urge to go potty, thanks to menopause & being just slightly over 45. Whatever...I'm 53 but I digress from the story. I can handle this responsibility of keeping the new edition to the Morgan funny farm alive. Our animal menagerie just grew by one more. Lord above please guide me & bless this baby squirrel to survive.
I decided that if we named the infant, then we would be attached to it, as if I weren't already at first sight. Since the mama squirrel never showed back up, we named the new edition "Baby Nutt" & it appears he/she may be a boy. Baby Nutt gripped my finer as I fed him, while I sat on the floor of my art/writing studio; afterwards he slept until the next feeding.

I repeated the routine to heat up his pillow of rice, heat his formula & allow it to be warm to the touch before attempting feeding number two. As I picked up Baby Nutt he screamed at me like a puppy or kitten would, which I took as a sign of determination & possible hunger. I fed him but he was not as eager to eat as he had been initially. Despite Baby Nutt's less than receptiveness to feeding number two, I proceeded slowly urging him to finish his 2 cc of formula. I cradled him in my cupped hands to give him security & warmth. Oddly enough I gently swayed him like I would a baby, then I kissed his tiny head, after which I placed him on the warm rice pillow & covered him back up with the chenille blanket. Day Three I remembered that I had a heating pad in my bedroom dresser drawer. I placed the heating pad on the lowest setting & replaced the warm rice bag with the heating pad. It did work better, but if you don't have a heating pad then the rice in a cloth bag will work. 2 cc- 3 cc every 2-3 hours around the clock until baby is 4 weeks old then he/she will up the feeding amounts to 4-6 cc every 3 - 4 hrs until the baby's eyes open at 5 weeks of age. Then you can feed 8-10 cc every 4 hrs, but the baby will vary slightly with amounts but 8- 10 cc is average. If baby wants more to eat then allow him/her to eat these are suggested amounts to make sure baby does not get dehydrated & is healthy.

How weird is this that just as I was wondering what do with my afternoon today, God gave me the answer. Today you will do your very best to save the life of an infant squirrel. Now here we are at sunset with Baby Nutt resting in his pink milk crate in my art/writing studio. Well I suppose that's the way life goes. We never know from one minute to the next what will happen. We can make plans, schedule appointments but life will intervene to remind us that we are not ever in control. I'm fine with he acceptance of God's plan over any idiotic plan I had. Life is about to get more interesting with the addition of Baby Nutt.

 I wonder if Baby Nutt likes music. After all Sol is a musician & I listen to music everyday in my studio, while I'm cleaning house, in the car or outside in my backyard. Music soothes all creatures large & small, so it would make logical sense that Baby Nutt would enjoy some music turned down low. Let's try my favorite stand by album Laid Back by Gregg Allman, as the beginners introduction into music for Squirrel 101.

Apparently Baby Nutt either is enjoying the blues music or maybe his ear are not open yet or possibly he's deaf, but either way he is sleeping as the Laid Back CD is playing. Who knew Baby Nutt was a blues fan? Just call #BabyNutt the Allman Joy Nutt...LOL, then again maybe it's my way of justifying listening to the Laid Back album yet again. It relaxes me what can I say? I'm going to put on some Etta James music to see how Baby Nutt responds. Nobody sings the blues like Gregg Allman, Ms. Etta James, Marvin Gaye or Ray Charles. After Etta finishes "At Last", I'll have Ray Charles sing few tunes. Does that sound nuts?

If anyone has ideas, tips or stories to share on their experiences with rescuing, saving or raising infant squirrels please let me know by adding them to the comments or adding them to my Twitter @thebeachwife  & use the hashtag #babynutt to your posts or comments. I'm going to do my best to ensure this small furry baby has a chance at life. I appreciate all information that might assist me in nurturing Baby Nutt. Are squirrels supposed to be blues fan? Am I a little squirrel-ey? Maybe so! Stay tuned for the next installment of the Baby Nutt Chronicles.

 Thank you for taking your time to read this blog,
Lisa Morgan
Author of the reality check humor book "Get Beach Slapped" available on Barnes & Noble, Google play, Amazon & other book outlets. Download the ebook. Follow my Twitter page @thebeachwife

#RT #squirrels #BabyNutt #EttaJames #RayCharles #GreggAllman #animalrescues #author #blog #life #funny #farm #nuts #MarvinGaye

SoulShine on Valentine's

                                                           Soulshine on Valentine's

                                                    written by: Lisa Morgan   2/13/2017

 Link below is to SoulShine by the Allman Brothers Band, quite possibly the best band ever!

https://youtu.be/pDIQ7Otf1mw 

Valentine's Day was a day created to shame men into buying flowers, candy, jewelry & cards for the women they adored or lusted after. The St. Valentine's day massacre was a lousy day for those men who got whacked at Capone's behest. Let's put it in perspective folks. Don't get depressed, stressed out over it...it's a Tuesday. I quit stressing over holidays a few years ago because it's not worth the hassle of expectations, emotional roller coasters. Here's some sage advice for you: Feb. 14th 2017 is a Tuesday, so be kind to each other & at the stroke of midnight on the 14th, it will be Wednesday the 15th, don't stress just live & let live.

Do not allow society to dictate when you say I love you, or spend time reminiscing, or sharing time with the one you love. If you are alone, then know that it is better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship. Spend time doing something you enjoy or doing nothing but being still. Call Valentine's Day the day you do something nice for yourself. Life has too much stress, don't allow society to place even more pressure on you.

Take a walk, look for the beauty around you, adopt a dog or cat from a shelter or rescue. Animals give love 365 days a year & do not care if you have a bad hair day, gain weight or if you have bad breathe because animals have those issues too, but the difference is they love unconditionally. We humans could learn from the animals. If you have someone special in your life, tell them they are special & not just because society says you have to do so on Feb. 14th or else you're a loser. Give yourself a break. Hey fellas before you ask me, yes you should forward this or share it with the lady you love, so she can get pissed at me for being honest. (giggles)

The link below is for Queen of Hearts by Gregg Allman from his first solo album Laid Back. Do yourself a favor & buy the CD. If you listen to the songs on this blog & you're not moving, then honey you might just be dead.   (Queen of Hearts by Gregg Allman)
                                                       https://youtu.be/iyrFpR59_vQ

   

 

 I prefer to listen to good music & unwind with memories. Neither of them cost anything unless you purchase new music. I personally listen to my trusted favorites, that I purchased on 8 tracks, then cassettes & finally CD's. I prefer my soulful southern rock & bluesy rock bands. Allman Brothers, Wet Willie, Little Feat, Tedeski Trucks, Boston, Bob Seger, Marshall Tucker Band, Lynryd Skynrd, 38 Special, Neville Brothers, Bonnie Raitt, Black Crowes, Marvin Gaye. I suppose I'm still searching for my elusive misspent youth. I've said it before, "looking for my misspent youth is like searching for an ice cube on the beach." I listen to the tunes I like & then unwind. If my husband falls asleep in his chair watching a TV that he has seen 4 times already & he snores too loud; then I say,"all is well as it should be in my home, no worries. I'll just kick back with a glass of tea & some Allman Brothers tunes. I don't sweat that which I can not control such as taxes, death, laundry or the weather.

Life is good indeed, life is very good. Spread some love." 

The link below is "Never Knew How Much" by Gregg Allman & I must say this is my favorite.

https://youtu.be/itnrjDZnM_E 

Take time to purchase a CD or Download an album  from the Allman Brothers or 

Gregg Allman & show your love for the boys in the band!

Thanks for stopping by to read my blog,

Lisa Morgan

Author of the reality check humor book GET BEACH SLAPPED

#GetBeachSlapped #RT #love #ValentinesDay #music #AllmanBrothersBand #GreggAllman #blues

#soulshine #AllmanBrothers #Boston #Bonnie Raitt

Beware: Killer of Tequila on the Loose

Beware: Killer of Tequila on the Loose

The following is an excerpt from by book Get Beach Slapped, a satirical Non PC reality check. I took a realistic look at life & my life to be exact. My rebellious views from my twenties had grown up & I found that my views had changed but not my values, this is very important not to conflate the two. Keeping your sense of humor is advantageous, as you age because you will need it. I found that having a sense of direction is far more important, than a sense of humor as you age. The ability to find a bathroom wherever you are is crucial after age 50.  Go ahead & read the meme I created. If this post gave you a giggle or chuckle then go to Barnes & Noble to download my reality check book GET BEACH SLAPPED or purchase the paperback, if you're old school like me. 

Amazon has my book, as does Google play. I personally like to support bookstores, but I'm thankful if you buy the book.

 

Have a stellar week my friends. I'll be doing some much needed writing over the next few weeks, so stay posted. #GetBeachSlapped #RT #books #

#author 

Thanks for taking your time to read my blog,

Lisa Morgan 

Author Get Beach Slapped

Animal Lover

Music lover

Survivor of marriage to musician

Known to be a consummate smart alec 

Artist/ Screenwriter/Blogger/lyricist

"Life is all about how you handle Plan B"

"Life is all about how you handle Plan B"

by Lisa Morgan                                                                               Dec. 20, 2016

Don't you just hate it when your preferred plan of action aka "Plan A" gets fumbled? The next thing you know you're looking at your options, one of which would be your backup plan or "Plan B". When you have failed at "Plan A" the original plan of action, which is usually your preferred method of approach, then you can typically look to a good "Plan B", for your backup plan. 

It's imperative to have a good "Plan B" you can more often land on your feet rather than on your butt, see the failure of "Plan A" to remind you of the fall you took. "Plan A" as a general rule will not come with a soft because you intended to succeed, from the beginning. Who wants to fail? Now that we have established "Plan A" is not a fail proof or even a fool proof plan, then we must do due diligence, to ensure the utmost success with "Plan B".  Failure is not the goal in anything you seek out to accomplish, otherwise you would simply stay on the couch or in bed, which is never the answer to anything.

You may find that your secondary course of action could very well be the better option to have taken from the beginning, but perhaps you were overly anxious, unprepared or just ego driven with the original "Plan A". If we assume the "Plan A" was from being an unprepared, overly anxious, egomaniac; then you can safely rename your "plan of action" to "plan of an ass". You will soon realize "Plan A" is not nearly as appealing as it once was, now is it? The backup plan you thought was for losers might  be viewed as the "plan of blessings" or the new & improved  "Plan B". It all depends on your perspective.

The perspective you normally will achieve, after having fallen on your butt is usually one of humbleness or regret, when you can look at it as a learning experience. Somehow we humans view learning experiences as a positive thing versus failures as a negative vibe. When they are in fact one in the same, as in the glass is half full or half empty. The glass may be at the halfway mark, neither empty or full, but waiting for the next course of action. If you realize it's up to you to either fill the glass or empty it, then you place yourself in control, rather than being helpless. Your next move determines the outcome, while unwittingly you are building your character. you'll need that character if "Plan B" turns out to be a dud, because "Plan C" the plan of character building is sometimes called the "curve-ball plan" or the"couch plan", because you never anticipated having a backup plan for the backup plan. The couch plan" usually consists having a pity party, eating, drinking, continuing the pity party alone, eating while wearing your once loose sweats or yoga pants, until you've gained 20 pounds & those loose sweats or yoga pants make you feel like a sausage in a tight casing.  Your occupy the couch approach will hopefully become so boring, that a new "plan of direction" or "Plan D" is inevitable. Hey sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to ensure that you are not still planted on the couch with your "Plan D" being the "depression plan". Slap yourself back into reality with a good old fashioned "Beach Slap" or a wave of reality, as I like to call it. Reality checks are the answer to selfies.

Life is all about how you handle "Plan B". Karma is always watching to see if after "Plan A" you played by the rules or if you went rogue. Those who go rogue, throwing out the Golden Rule & replacing it with Lawlessness or the lack of all rules, find that Karma has named "Plan B" the "Bitch Plan". We all know Karma is a bitch when you do not play fairly. Karma smiles warmly upon those who try their best & their "Plan B" will be a "Blessed Plan". 

Make your plans but do know that while you make plans, God laughs.

Thanks for visiting,

Lisa Morgan

Author of the reality check humor book GET BEACH SLAPPED

Obtain your copy of the book Get Beach Slapped today in paperback form or

download it from Barnes & Noble, Apple itunes, Google Play, Amazon or bookstores.

My Bucket List became a Bouquet List

My Bucket List became a Bouquet List

written by Lisa Morgan                                                                                         3/25/2016
                          
Life happens to us when we aren't paying attention. Sometimes if we take a moment to reflect on our lives then we find the most amazing things were taking place; things that we had wished for at times but never expected to happen. Dreams can become reality. It's what you do when the dream becomes reality that truly matters the most.

Everyone it seems is making bucket lists these days. You know that good old to do list of things we want to experience before we kick the proverbial bucket falling into the final resting place.  It made perfectly good sense to me sit down in front of my laptop, peck away at the keys to produce a simple bucket list. What I found was it's not as easy as you might think. My premise was that if you had only one day left to live, but you could do anything or go anywhere to do that anything; what would it be? I was stumped. I thought I would reflect on the fifteen years of my life, in order to get some perspective on the things I had wanted to accomplish but never quite got around to doing, in the South we call that "roundtuit" or get around to it. I sat down with a paper & pen at my kitchen bar to pen what I've accomplished over the last fifteen years. God bring you what you need in the season that you need it to come to you, even if you had forgotten what you needed.

I'm a dreamer with realist tendencies or vice versa & even so I consider myself to be a down to earth person. What I found was quite astonishing to me. My bucket list of things I had wanted to achieve twenty years ago had actually happened to me, not necessarily that I felt like I made them happen. Does that make any sense? I had at various time vocalized or day dreamed about wanting to attain certain goals, but with the direction that my life was going at the time, I might as well have been hoping to walk on the moon or dance with Brad Pitt. Although the dance with Brad Pitt option will remain open as long as I'm breathing. 
I digress once again so back to the handwritten list I was penning while sitting at the bar in my kitchen one morning. I sipped on my second large mug of java clicking my pen on the counter top. I started to put down on paper my achievements minuscule or grande. This is what I wrote:

Create Paintings or Artwork
 Sell at least one painting or piece of artwork (I'm an Artist)
 Get on a Plane (Conquered a fear)
Write TV show concepts & have them looked at by Hollywood Execs
Go to Hollywood Oscar parties (realize that I'm Not the starstruck type)
Buy a Mercedes ( realize the new wears off the label after a few weeks but still cool )
Produce & Direct a documentary film   (I'm a Producer & Director)
Write a Screenplay & have it filmed (I'm a Screenwriter)
Write a book
Have an admired comic laugh at my writing (David Brenner)
Write, Act, Produce & Direct a sizzle reel for a TV show (I'm an Actress)
Act in film play productions in Georgia (Not Oscar worthy just fun)
Find True Forgiveness
Pay cash for a house (good timing both in buying, selling & buying again)
Realize that you have a best friend, a true friend
Have my book Published (I'm an Author)
Sell at least one copy of my book (Yay!)
Write a Blog
Go to a Rolling Stones concert
Realize my soulmate is not perfect but neither am I
Appreciate my life

When I had finished this list of accomplishments, it dawned on me that this was an awesome bucket list, that I never could have imagined accomplishing twenty years ago. I decided to rename "My Bucket List" with a more deserving name & I christened it "My Bouquet List". The list had become a much more aromatic, colorful list therefore more deserving of a title befitting a fragrant stroll in a garden of life. No matter what I achieve from here until they lay me under the earth to push up daisies, I will consider my life to have been far more colorful than I could have written for myself. You see all the BS I have dealt with has cultivated a fertile ground for a lovely garden from which to pick a bouquet of flowers. Reality checks come when you least expect them but are most needed. God had given me a Bouquet List, while I was looking for a Bucket List. All things are possible with God.

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan
Author of the Get Beach Slapped book, a satirical reality check on life.
www.getbeachslapped.com

The story does not end when one leaves the stage

    

                           written by Lisa Morgan                                               2/21/2016

 

 

The sands of time will never erase the impression you have made upon my soul. ~ Lisa Morgan

It was laid upon my heart today to write this blog post. I'm not sure why. What matters is that it will hopefully touch one person out there with a heavy heart or a hardened heart.

There is always that day in your life when someone close to your heart & soul passes away from this life leaving you asking why. Why is that person dead? Why is the world still turning? Why are people laughing? Can't everyone see the anguish you're feeling, the heart wrenching agony of a love lost or a friend lost? Why is the world not stopping as I mourn? It does not seem fair.

The truth is it is not fair but your mama always told you life was not fair or she should have told you that anyway. The reason the world keeps turning, the reason people continue to laugh, marriages take place, first kisses happen, the birds sing, women go into labor with the newest arrivals to this Earth is quite simple, so simple in fact, that while you grieve it makes no sense.

Life goes on after each life passes away because it must be that way. God is no respecter of persons; meaning no one is more important than the other. Whether you are a king or a pauper, a rock star or homeless person, from America, Africa, Saudi Arabia, China, Israel or anyplace in between. no one is greater than the next to God, for we are all equal in his eyes. if everything stopped for one then it would mean that life was more important than the next life or the previous life. The only time the skies went pitch black in the mid afternoon without the sun was when Jesus Christ died on the cross at Calvary. The earth moaned at what had taken place as the Son of God was crucified, after the people prayed for a savior & God sent his only begotten Son to the world, they rejected him. They were foretold centuries earlier how his birth would take place & of the holiness but the people were of the world, so they refused to see Jesus as the Christ. When you are of the world or emerged in the ways of the world, then you can not see what is right in front of your face because you have the sight of the world & not the sight of grace.
When you have the sight of grace or you walk with God, having accepted his Son Jesus or Yeshua (in the Hebrew language, there is no "J" sound in the Hebrew language, Ye-shoo-ah) then you see things with more clarity, as your spiritual eyes, ears along with your physical eyes & ears are opened; whereby you see the ways of the world for what they actually are which is not of God.

I said all that to state the obvious, no one among us, before us or after us will cause the world to stop, except Jesus/Yeshua. No one is greater than the next, we are all children of God our creator. We all have the exact same opportunity to love God, to honor him, to serve him, to accept his Son Jesus/Yeshua as our savior, as God loves us all the same. We will all be judged based on our deeds. You see the world must go on, children will continue to laugh, people will still fall in love, babies will enter into the world screaming to declare they have arrived. It is just as it should be. The lovers kissing, the puppies playing, birds singing, babies cooing & children laughing are to bring hope to the grieving soul, with the knowledge that life will go on with promise. The laughter, singing, sunshine, rain & yes the screams of a new born babe entering into the world are here to bring joy to the grieving soul.

Grieve for the ones who you have lost. They will not be coming back to you in this lifetime thus you are saddened as you should be but rejoice after that knowing that one day you will again see them in heaven. After the pain subsides, one day you will smile again as you hear laughter, you will laugh as your soul heals, you will most certainly never forget those that have made a lasting impression upon your soul; this is as it should be. There is a time for everything. I say this to all who are saddened, "This too shall pass." You will find you soul shine again just wait for it.

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan
Go to my web page www.getbeachslapped.com 

Author of the satirical reality check book Get Beach Slapped.
A book filled with reality checks, seasoned with life experiences, peppered with satirical humor & doused with a healthy portion of Southern charm. Download it today or purchase the paperback version. Thank you for your time to read this blog.

I had a Farmhouse in America (spoken in Meryl Streep's voice)...A Funny farm!

I'm seriously considering purchasing a farmhouse. I thought I'd never move again. "Never say never for that is exactly what you will do" is my mother's motto and yes my mother is once again correct, as always. I am on a quest to find the perfect or imperfect farmhouse to acquire before I retire. Hmmmm.... kind of catchy don't you think? I will be blogging throughout the process which I'm sure there will have many ups and downs, as all home buying experiences usually possess. Oddly enough I feel like I'm coming home in my soul and yes I suppose I am coming back home. Who said you can never go back home? Oh yes that would have been my dearly departed Dad many, many moons ago when I was in my early twenties.

Actually a farmhouse anywhere in the south would suit me. Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, South or North Carolina maybe Florida or Louisiana. Texas is not out of the running. The idea of having acreage with fruit trees, a garden, a view, a flowing creek appeals to the down to earth side of me. Getting back to my country girl roots is something that I would not have envisioned a decade ago. My how things change! It reminds me of what my mama has always said, "Be careful what you say you won't do, for it's exactly what you will end up doing, if you're not careful." Funny how God's plans for our lives will supersede our plotted out distorted version of paradise. Sometimes that dirt road looks mighty appealing especially when walking another step on pavement seem impractical.

I've always wanted to give my homestead a name. A name that reflects who my husband & I are so I think the farmhouse will be christened "Solitude". My husband's name is Sol, so the name Solitude would announce to the world that "Sol" & "Tude" reside here.

What about a barn? I could sit in the loft of the barn after a day of working in the garden & I could chronicle the events of the day from sunrise to sunset. Can't you just see me doing an old school version of reality TV, where you read what is happening with the occasional snapshot, to give you the visual. There would be no list of all the meals or snacks ingested because in reality who cares!? The chronicles would be about the ups & downs of farm life. The moments of laughter, intensity or excitement when the garden or fruit tress spring forth their bounty from the earth. Yes moments of gratitude, harmony mingled with dirty jeans & un-manicured nails & salon free days. I'm up for the challenge! Let the games begin.....that sounds like I'm an Olympiad, which is absurd. Let the best of the rest of my life begin!

I can see myself sipping tea from the back porch of the elusive back porch, target shooting at a series of tin cans lined up across the property as my hubby picks up the cans & re-positions them on top of old wooden wine barrels. He would ask me if I'd like a refill of tea & what my dinner menu consisted of as he walks through the screen door to start the laundry. The dogs are all holding their dinner bowls while the cats are sleeping on the porch swing. The catfish are jumping, old paddle wheels pumping and something is off. Did my hubby just refill my tea glass & ask me what I wanted for dinner as he went to do laundry? Wait I must have dozed off for a moment! Well a girl can dream can't she? Call that moment reality checked!

The quest to find my farmhouse in America has begun. I sit here typing gazing out my office window watching the blue jays chasing squirrels around the trees. The dragonflies are zipping to & fro while the butterflies are fluttering as butterflies do. My cats are stalking the elusive dragonflies. The dogs are basking lazily in the afternoon sun ignoring the curious squirrels scampering around the trees. The birds have spotted the seeds I tossed out for them. I love the way nature knows exactly what it is to be doing, while humanity seems somehow stumped by our need to control life & everything around us. Humanity wants to "fix" what God has created or to "enhance" God's creations. We fail miserably, create chaos & call ourselves successful masters of the universe, as if we are playing some gigantic video game in a virtual world. I think that the birds, squirrels, cats, dogs, butterflies, bees & butterflies have more sense than most humans. Maybe what I need to do is get back to nature, learn to relax, put my hands in the dirt, kick off my shoes & tune out the noise. God provides for all of his creations. I have faith that it will all turn out the way that it should.
My foot has fallen asleep which is code for me to leave this desk chair to venture outside. I hear a glass of green tea calling my name.

I'm quite sure there will be a book written about this journey. Maybe I'll call it "Down on the Funny Farm"? You can purchase my last book Get Beach Slapped online at bookstores & ebook sites or go to my webpage for links.

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan 

Follow me on Twitter @thebeachwife.
my Facebook page Get Beach Slapped
 
www.getbeachslapped.com
#humor #lifelessons #realitycheck  #home #alabama #farm #family #getbeachslapped #book #farmhouse #blogger #humor

Life is More Precious than Diamonds

 10/16/2015                                                                               written by: Lisa Morgan


Life is multifaceted like a diamond, but Life is more precious than any gemstone. Life is fragile like a dandelion and yet we are careless with it. When you smile or laugh…pause & let that moment sink into your memory. Life is good. Life is not always easy nor should it be. If life were always perfect, rosy, sunny & fair then how would we appreciate it, not having been down, troubled, without or in need? When you are troubled be glad that tomorrow will be better & you now have the knowledge you need to appreciate the good times just over the horizon. We all have bad moments, remember to make the most of those moments that shine brighter than any diamond.

Shiny baubles & glittering apparel are just body adornment but the true way to shine is through laughter & smiles which result in soul shine. Just like the song by sung by the Allman Brothers band says,"soul shine is better than moonshine, better than sunshine, damn sure better than rain." Though I may occasionally adorn myself with a little glitter trust me none of it is more valuable than laughter with friends or family.

I have a good friend who is the type of friend everyone should have. Michelle would rather have flowers in her hair than diamonds around her neck. Friends who see the beauty in life, appreciate God's creations & take you at face value, rather than valuing the materialistic possessions in life
are priceless.

Anyone who laughs, smiles & glows with joy from within is very rich indeed, for no amount of wealth can make you happy & give you soul shine. I wonder if the banks accept soul shine?
Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan

                                 

Get Beach Slapped! http://www.getbeachslapped.com
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Download my book Get Beach Slapped in bookstores or online @ iTunes for Apple, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, amazon & other bookstores. Thanks for supporting my work!

Reality Checks are the Answer to Selfies

written by Lisa Morgan                     7/15/2015

Is everyone on earth as sick & tired of seeing selfies as I am or am I the only non narcissistic person left on the planet? Surely I jest! No I'm very serious about this topic. There was a time not that long ago when another person would take a snapshot of you, but now it's all the rage to take selfies doing absolutely anything or nothing as the case may be. I personally draw the hard line in the sand over the selfies sticks. Really people? Do we really need to take selfies of ourselves enough that someone devised a stick...a stick I said that holds your phone in order to get a better selfie or group pic on your cell phone. 

Wow! We are a world of self indulgent people who are nothing more than lab rats for corporations. 

"Make it & they will buy it"  should be the slogan for Americans. We need a technology intervention, especially when it comes to selfies because I do not want to know nor do I care about what you are eating, what your expression was when you woke up or when you got drunk at the local pub not to mention

everything in between.

Being self centered has gone to an all time high and an all time low at the same time. What ever happened to flipping open your wallet to reveal a four foot long trail of pictures of your family, pets & friends? Most people only had a picture of themselves on their driver's license in their wallet back before smart phones. Don't get me started on the "smart phone"! Now people have more selfies on their smart phone than they do of family, pets or friends, as a general rule anyway. This is a sign of the times & yes the times are changing my friends. Change is not always a good thing, in fact it can lead to falling hard. I just hope when people wake up from the selfie nightmare that they have had some common sense knocked back into their heads, when they fell back into reality. Reality checks do bounce you know! I for one know that reality checks bounce. When your reality check bounces make sure you Get Beach Slapped with humor cause you're going to need it. Falling on your butt is never fun but if you were traveling on the road less traveled, the dirt road when your stormy days encompassed you just before your reality check, then your fall on your butt may have been softened by the puddle of mud that the storm you were in created. You see God will always leave you a way out if you trust in him, which does not mean you will never fall, you most certainly will because you are after all human; it just means your fall may have a bounce to it. So don't worry about that last five or ten pounds you've been trying to lose because you may need some padding on your butt the next time you fail & have a reality check. A thud is always worse than a splash! 

I suppose you get the picture on my opinion of selfies, no pun intended.....actually it was intended. Let's see a picture of  the beach instead of a selfie. I hope you like this one and it helps to put your mind into a state of Soulshine, which is by far the best state to be in, sorry Florida you are my next favorite state.

You gotta love it!

Here's a picture that needs no words.

 Get Beach Slapped!

Thanks for spending some of your time with me, your time is more valuable than money,

Lisa Morgan

Author of the satirical reality check book Get Beach Slapped 

www.getbeachslapped.com

Get Beach Slapped: to get slapped with a wave of information or a Reality Check

 

Have you been Beach Slapped? GET BEACH SLAPPED today! Beach Slapped is like a reality check with injections of humor. Life lessons do not come without a price & this one is probably on sale somewhere. This book was written at a time when after losing my Dad, being married most of my adult life, I was trying to find myself. I started writing after a long hiatus and I discovered that my brain wanted to speak out on a whole laundry list of topics, even though my mouth never seems to cease talking. Apparently my brain may not always be engaged when my mouth is conversing. Well imagine that?!

Get Beach Slapped is basically an introduction into my world. The Beach Chronicles will be a 3 part series of books filled with reality checks, stories, humor, one liners, life lessons and hopefully usable wisdom. My mother always said,"Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself." Learn from my mistakes & of those around me that I write about, believe it's much easier than living through the chaos.

 The short version is my name is Lisa Morgan aka The Beach Wife and I'm in the "F'ers" Club (over Forty-Fifty Club), married  27 years to a professional  musician, that I've been with for 31 years. Can I just get an applause & a cheers to that statement? We live with our furry children of whom almost all are rescues. Just when you thought life was going according to your plans, Boom life throws you a curve ball or in my case a ball of clumped cat litter. Read on & it will make sense.

                    

At last count we have 5 dogs, 3 of whom are 5 1/2 lbs or less so they really are more like rats than dogs, 1 is about 11 lbs & one is about 80 lbs. The 11 lb. rescue was put on a plane from Cali & flown out to me, so she wouldn't be euthanized. I still am not sure that I ever actually said," Sure go ahead & fly me dog on a Delta flight & I'll pick her up at the airport." It just somehow happened that I got a flutter of texts & the next thing I know the new arrival is to be picked up the following morning at the airport. Now do note that the day of her arrival was my hubby's birthday, which made it easier to break the news to him. It also helped that she took to him immediately & started sitting on his lap in his recliner to watch TV.

The two cats both have identity crisis's, one is 17 years old & has come to think of herself as a dog and she also views the newest rescued feline as a nuisance. The newest feline is a whirling dervish who's only a year old now and she is a country girl at heart who rolls in the dirt.  She loves to play football & wrestle with the dogs when she's not running up a tree. When the whirling dervish cat was about 10 weeks old she started throwing her litter box clumps at me, after she had done her business in the litter box. Mind you, she went directly to the litter box on day one of her rescue & she was only 5-6 weeks old. I thought at the time she wanted a clean litter box, No she wanted to play. She mounted aerial assaults at me every time I entered the bathroom & she would get annoyed when I scooped out the litter box removing her urine clumps or as they came to be known the "pee balls". She finally out grew the tossing of pee balls, thankfully. She does sometimes sit on the toilet though. Never a dull moment at Morgan manor. Life threw me a clumped up pee ball with 2 more rescues, but I love them both dearly. You can never map out your life according to your GPS because sometimes your GPS loses signal. God will have a totally different route planned for you. I found it to be much easier to follow God's planned route for me, than to deviate from God's route. Inevitably when I would take my route there would be pot holes, washed out roads, traffic jams & accidents. It's much easier to daily ask God to lead your way & his will to be done. You will have bumps in the road mingled with dark storms but God will show you a way out, for God's GPS does not lose signal. Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

                                           

                    The Whirling Dervish feline on her throne, she is a royal pain sometimes but I love her!

This is starting to feel like one of those moments, when someone pulls out their wallet & out falls a plethora of pictures of the family. Actually I just truly dated myself severely. No one carries pics in their wallets anymore, they carry cell phones filled with selfies. Silly me! Color me old school.

 Now you know why I write, for my sanity. Keeping my sense of humor also is for my sanity and for those around me who enjoy the serenity of silence while I'm writing. I read somewhere that writing is an introverted profession, which is true. You listen to your own thoughts, your brain contemplates what your fingers will do next as they type. Believe me my brain and my fingers do not always agree and sometimes that is not a pretty sight.

Let me post one more pic just for the fun of it. The lovely beaches of Florida where I call home. Life is a beach & my alter ego when I write is the "beach wife". Thanks for reading my blog & remember to rescue, adopt or foster animals. Animals give unconditional love 365 days a year; they do not care if you gain weight, have a bad hair day or if you forgot to brush your teeth because their love is unconditional.

  

www.getbeachslapped.com is the web page to find all the links for my book Get Beach Slapped

Download your copy from Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Google Play, Apple itunes 

Thanks for spending your time to read this blog, your time is more valuable than money.

Lisa Morgan aka The Beach Wife 

Follow me on Twitter @thebeachwife

Follow my Facebook page Get Beach Slapped