Thoughts from the porch

                                                Thoughts from the porch

                                                      By: Lisa Morgan

 

Have you ever wondered why people who tout everyone should be open minded are actually themselves air heads? Why is that do you suppose? Maybe the new "buzz" word for the moment is open minded, which is the new term for air head, the more offensively term, for those who won't take the time to think or they have more than one brain fart at at time. Some of these open minded folks aka air heads have perpetual brain farts, which may have resulted in their blinds being blown one too many times. Perhaps it's the brain farts, that have caused the door to have remained open, on their minds leading to the open mind. 

The humorous part is that the open minded people often times are not open minded at all, they simply want everyone around them to be open minded to their thoughts, ideology or whims. Your mother said shut the door for a reason! Just for the record I must also add that brain fart is the more offensively term for senior moment or lapse of judgment or misspoken. Slice it anyway that you like, the meaning is the same....brain fart! The moment when you see the light bulb in some one's brain get switched on usually is the after thought of the brain fart. I'm here to enlighten those who suffer from being too open minded, without actually thinking through thoughts. You know what I mean, just allowing those thoughts to flow in one ear through the brain & out the other ear & never retaining anything. They allow someone else to tell them what to think because it's easier than actually thinking for themselves which requires work. We all know most people nowadays run the opposite direction of work. Work is the dreaded four letter word that is whispered while the new four letter word that is embraced is F#ck! Why is that? People used to be ashamed to say that "F" word & now it's like a badge of honor. What is going on people?

Please save an air head from too much open mindedness. Tell them to shut the door & ponder topics. Help stop brain farts across America! Help the open minded by handing out common sense to go along with that open mind. Common sense is the cure for all brain farts, perpetual open mindedness, misspoken words, lapse of judgment. Senior moments will happen to those well up in years & their cache of common sense should purchase them a well deserved break, for that senior moment.

It is great to being open minded to suggestions, to seeing some one's view, to addressing a situation from a different approach, but to leave the door open to the mind is dayhem foolish. You can't let everything into your brain without having a filter on it! Think of your brain, as your home. You have a door to your home to allow people to enter & exit, to keep things in & things out. Folks in the south have screen doors beyond the doors allow fresh air to flow in & keeping the unwanted pests like flies & mosquitoes out. Likewise with the brain you should have a filter to keep out things that are toxic, dangerous, ignorant or plain foolish from living in your brain. Those are my thoughts from the porch, the place that I ponder my thoughts while sipping on tea, mostly tea. I hope you kept your open mind while reading this blog & that you laughed along the way. Now don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you! Come back real soon for the next installment.

Thank you for sharing your time with me,

Lisa Morgan

                 Author of Get Beach Slapped a satirical reality check book


 #RT #GetBeachSlapped #humor #realitycheck #book #blog #openmind #porch #southern #tea #laugh #ebook #Amazon #barnesandnoble #Googleplay #screendoor #airhead

Beware: Killer of Tequila on the Loose

Beware: Killer of Tequila on the Loose

The following is an excerpt from by book Get Beach Slapped, a satirical Non PC reality check. I took a realistic look at life & my life to be exact. My rebellious views from my twenties had grown up & I found that my views had changed but not my values, this is very important not to conflate the two. Keeping your sense of humor is advantageous, as you age because you will need it. I found that having a sense of direction is far more important, than a sense of humor as you age. The ability to find a bathroom wherever you are is crucial after age 50.  Go ahead & read the meme I created. If this post gave you a giggle or chuckle then go to Barnes & Noble to download my reality check book GET BEACH SLAPPED or purchase the paperback, if you're old school like me. 

Amazon has my book, as does Google play. I personally like to support bookstores, but I'm thankful if you buy the book.

 

Have a stellar week my friends. I'll be doing some much needed writing over the next few weeks, so stay posted. #GetBeachSlapped #RT #books #

#author 

Thanks for taking your time to read my blog,

Lisa Morgan 

Author Get Beach Slapped

Animal Lover

Music lover

Survivor of marriage to musician

Known to be a consummate smart alec 

Artist/ Screenwriter/Blogger/lyricist

"Life is all about how you handle Plan B"

"Life is all about how you handle Plan B"

by Lisa Morgan                                                                               Dec. 20, 2016

Don't you just hate it when your preferred plan of action aka "Plan A" gets fumbled? The next thing you know you're looking at your options, one of which would be your backup plan or "Plan B". When you have failed at "Plan A" the original plan of action, which is usually your preferred method of approach, then you can typically look to a good "Plan B", for your backup plan. 

It's imperative to have a good "Plan B" you can more often land on your feet rather than on your butt, see the failure of "Plan A" to remind you of the fall you took. "Plan A" as a general rule will not come with a soft because you intended to succeed, from the beginning. Who wants to fail? Now that we have established "Plan A" is not a fail proof or even a fool proof plan, then we must do due diligence, to ensure the utmost success with "Plan B".  Failure is not the goal in anything you seek out to accomplish, otherwise you would simply stay on the couch or in bed, which is never the answer to anything.

You may find that your secondary course of action could very well be the better option to have taken from the beginning, but perhaps you were overly anxious, unprepared or just ego driven with the original "Plan A". If we assume the "Plan A" was from being an unprepared, overly anxious, egomaniac; then you can safely rename your "plan of action" to "plan of an ass". You will soon realize "Plan A" is not nearly as appealing as it once was, now is it? The backup plan you thought was for losers might  be viewed as the "plan of blessings" or the new & improved  "Plan B". It all depends on your perspective.

The perspective you normally will achieve, after having fallen on your butt is usually one of humbleness or regret, when you can look at it as a learning experience. Somehow we humans view learning experiences as a positive thing versus failures as a negative vibe. When they are in fact one in the same, as in the glass is half full or half empty. The glass may be at the halfway mark, neither empty or full, but waiting for the next course of action. If you realize it's up to you to either fill the glass or empty it, then you place yourself in control, rather than being helpless. Your next move determines the outcome, while unwittingly you are building your character. you'll need that character if "Plan B" turns out to be a dud, because "Plan C" the plan of character building is sometimes called the "curve-ball plan" or the"couch plan", because you never anticipated having a backup plan for the backup plan. The couch plan" usually consists having a pity party, eating, drinking, continuing the pity party alone, eating while wearing your once loose sweats or yoga pants, until you've gained 20 pounds & those loose sweats or yoga pants make you feel like a sausage in a tight casing.  Your occupy the couch approach will hopefully become so boring, that a new "plan of direction" or "Plan D" is inevitable. Hey sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to ensure that you are not still planted on the couch with your "Plan D" being the "depression plan". Slap yourself back into reality with a good old fashioned "Beach Slap" or a wave of reality, as I like to call it. Reality checks are the answer to selfies.

Life is all about how you handle "Plan B". Karma is always watching to see if after "Plan A" you played by the rules or if you went rogue. Those who go rogue, throwing out the Golden Rule & replacing it with Lawlessness or the lack of all rules, find that Karma has named "Plan B" the "Bitch Plan". We all know Karma is a bitch when you do not play fairly. Karma smiles warmly upon those who try their best & their "Plan B" will be a "Blessed Plan". 

Make your plans but do know that while you make plans, God laughs.

Thanks for visiting,

Lisa Morgan

Author of the reality check humor book GET BEACH SLAPPED

Obtain your copy of the book Get Beach Slapped today in paperback form or

download it from Barnes & Noble, Apple itunes, Google Play, Amazon or bookstores.

Where is the PHD for Common Sense?

 Common sense is not longer common but a very rare precious commodity in our society. There was a time not so long ago; even in the last forty years when people exhibited common sense on a daily basis rather than once in a lifetime. Shocking I know but quite true I assure you. What happened to wisdom & common sense coexisting with harmony? Now people think that reading books by those without true wisdom, lacking in morals, void of common sense somehow gives you wisdom. Wrong! You simply are well read in liberalism or viewpoints but nothing more. When truth is distorted, wrong is right & people are coddled when they make incredibly stupid decisions then we see that common sense has left the building.

More & more people exit college almost brain dead. It's astounding to see the astronomical bills people incur going to college, after being indoctrinated rather than educated. Beyond that point, these same people were not taught common sense by their parents or grandparents either.  Where did we as humans get so ignorant? Animals know that if you poke a gator it might eat you, well more than likely it will eat you. These same animals know that if they do not watch over their young, then there is a huge probability that their young will not survive to adulthood.




I actually think that people with common sense, should be able to get a PHD in common sense. Common sense unlike book sense is a fleeting commodity in the world today. Common Sense is what parents used to instill in their children. Nowadays not so much. God gave us brains people, so please use them. I suppose the zombies have eaten all of the functioning brains.  Off the top of my head no pun intended I can think of a few examples like maybe you should look both ways when you cross a street, do not text, operate a laptop or call people when you are drunk much less drive. How about watch your children & hold their hands, keep them in your sight & put their needs before your own? Don't marry the same man or woman multiple times because it's just dumb! the dryer can not shrink your clothes 2 sizes simply put away the Doritos & ice cream. Don't provoke a dog, especially one you do not know or there's a good chance you will get bitten & the same goes for playing with snakes. Do not play around lagoons in Florida because gators habitat in most lakes, lagoons & ponds in Florida, it's just a fact. Do not pour lighter fluid on the grill after you have placed your food on the grill, this is really not wise. Common sense people! Do not spend more than you make in income. If you leave a teenager to their own devices with free time, then do not be surprised if they get involved in gangs or get pregnant or get someone pregnant, use drugs or alcohol thereby doing even more stupid things, because they are teenagers. 

Common sense prevents many human mishaps. Do not walk while texting as you could walk into a manhole, in front of a bus or into a pissed off guy who has just found out through a text that his best friend is seeing his wife. The point is common sense can save us humans a lot of trouble in the future. Now where can I go to get that PHD in Common Sense? 

Thank you for joining me!

~ Lisa Morgan

Check out my book "Get Beach Slapped"   www.getbeachslapped.com
Also available on Barnes & Noble, Apple, Google play, Amazon etc for downloads the bookstaores also carry the paperback version.

Hey Liberals here comes Hope & Change that America deserves !

We have a weak kneed President, who can not & will not speak out against Islam, Muslims or Illegals. America how long will we continue to be force fed lies from Obama, his cronies, Democrats & Liberals who preach tolerance & they have no tolerance for anyone who opposes their ideology. We must unite America if we want to continue to be Free. The Democrats, Liberals, Obama, Hillary Clinton are all plotting as you read this to ban guns from Americans while illegals, criminals, radical Muslims will have guns along with the government. Really? We all know that is not the answer. Defending Our Constitution is the only Answer!

We as American citizens must Vote out the Democrats, Liberals, Progressives & Socialists who do not uphold the laws of our land, who do not defend the Constitution. Europe has allowed the Muslim Refugees Invasion to basically destroy their land, their way of life along with their economy & it has come at an alarming cost, many rapes, murders, robberies at the hands of these so called refugees who have flooded Europe. They never appreciate the kindness shown to them they just demand, take & assault. They do not assimilate, the dominate! America wake up now or one day it may be too late. Look what has happened to this country since 9/11 when we were attacked by Muslims, Liberals have made us all feel guilty. Feel guilty for what? For not doing more, for our races, for our material possessions, for working hard & being told we are not working enough to support the illegals or as Nancy Pelosi calls them undocumented citizens.

We are told by the liberals to be more tolerant, to be patient, to give more, to work harder, to accept, to acknowledge that we somehow deserve less because we have worked hard; all the while these same liberals tell illegals & our youth to "get what you deserve". What the hell does that mean? No you work hard for what you want & then you get it. Every commercial says on TV, "get what you deserve", which is more of the liberal brainwashing! Get off your asses & be the hard working America that is the Land of the free & the home of the brave! We are not the land of kiss foreign illegals asses, or the land of tolerate while they dominate us! No we are Americans who are tired of making excuses for being free, for being gun owners, for being hard workers who drive pickup trucks, who carry bibles, who say God bless you & Merry Christmas, who baseball, apple pie, freedom, our Flag Old Glory that wave proudly!

Yes we are Americans & we are fed up so all you ass kissing liberals better watch out come election day 2016 because your world is about to change, as we the people make the necessary changes just not ones you had hoped for with your weak kneed Obama, Hillary Clinton & the liberal cronies. Liberals your days of offending hard working Americans with your idiotic ideology to tear down America are over! The wave of Americans standing up for our freedoms will knock you liberals on your asses. I hope you liberals are wearing your Depends because you are going to need them.

 Whether you like Donald Trump or not, whether you agree with him a little, somewhat or a lot he is the guy who has stood up to the liberals, stood on a stage of 17 candidates & became the victor of the GOP field. Mr. Trump is our guy, the guy who will defeat Hillary Clinton, the guy who will stand up to the liberals, the illegals, the radical Muslims. Hey all you liberals, progressives, socialists & radical Anti- Americans here comes the hope & change that hard working Americans deserve! We are taking back our country so I hope you can deal the changes you are about face as America stands up to liberal tyranny. Have you liberals pulled on those depends yet? It's what you deserve, after we non-liberals have endured the wrath of Obama. We are making America great again baby!
~ Lisa Morgan
My book "Get Beach Slapped" is available in paperback & ebook formats.
www.getbeachslapped.com

Don't walk, Honey it's time to Dance!

written by Lisa Morgan                                                                                 3/21/2016

You spend the first year of your life trying to yearning to walk. You spend the following six months of your life learning to walk & the next six months learning to run. What no one told you was that you'd spend the next eighteen years of your life walking or running to somewhere, anywhere but where your parents wanted you to be at the time. You spend the following twenty years running in every direction attempting to meet all of the goals that you'd set for yourself in your youth; only to find out there was never enough time to get all of it done, but there's always tomorrow or the next ten years right? It's frightening how fast the next ten years go by considering how slow the first twenty went, which somehow doesn't seem at all fair or right. Now that you've turned fifty, the big five oh my gosh, what happened to my youth & when did those start sagging?

Welcome to the world of the late bloomers, who thought there would always be time until there never seemed to be enough time. When you finally decide what makes you happy, not necessarily what you do for a living but what makes your heart skip a beat or makes your soul dance, you find out the clock is running faster than an Olympiad sprinter. Nonetheless you have found your passion. Now how do you combine that with making a living? Don't you just love a challenge? Challenges are what we as humans deal with everyday, so think of this as one of the best challenges because the reward is getting paid to do what you love! Remember no one lies on their death bed wishing they had spent more time at the office or washing more clothes & cleaning the baseboards more than when their Mom was visiting.

You have had plenty of experience walking & running by age fifty, that now don't walk cause honey it's time to dance. Parlay that passion of yours into a paycheck. You have a good twenty years left in the workforce so why not spend  those years with a glide in your stride, because let's face it after seventy it will become more difficult to walk much less glide. What are you waiting for? You saw how incredibly fast those last ten years went by! You were looking good one day & the next your hair was filled with these two inch long grey hairs that defied gravity, while your other body parts fell victim to gravity; not to mention the wrinkles appearing overnight accompanied by those annoying aches & pains. You better get off your ever growing backside while you still can & dance to the beat of your inner music. Whatever it is that makes your heart sing & your soul wanna dance, that's what will motivate you to get up every morning & to succeed.

Don't wait till the scoreboard has three seconds left to say "Oh no!", because those three seconds do not go in slow motion. I was with my Dad the last ten days of his life, as were my siblings & my Mom. My Dad fell into a coma & remained in that state until he died except for a brief moment when he woke up asking my Mom where he was. She quickly told him he was in the hospital & had been for about a week due to a series of mini strokes he had suffered along with a more intense stroke. My Dad looked over to see me standing next to him, which meant one thing, that I had driven a four hour drive to be with him at the hospital  & that could not be good. My Dad's last words were "Oh Shit!" Nothing like going out with a memorable two words wouldn't you say?

I knew immediately what he meant. No I'm not ready, there's so much more I want to do & to say, but the time on the scoreboard was running out. No more time outs left in the game. My Dad & I had a heated exchange about six months before he died, which was my fault & we never made up. This was also my "Oh Shit!" moment. As it turns out this would be a life changing moment for me in more ways than I could imagine at the time. I would never be the same, aside from the obvious that within a few days my Dad would be deceased.

I starting closing doors & opening new ones. I had no idea what I was doing but I knew I had to start moving to the beat of my inner music. I started writing again after a very long hiatus. I wrote a few screenplays, wrote a reality check satirical book. I actually had one of my favorite comedians David Brenner tell me that he thought I was funny & continue to write, which I did. The more I listened to my inner music, the more the song led me away from the limelight but to the sunlight. What I mean is that I do not desire fame or fortune but peace of mind, for me that is living simple. I never thought I would want to be surrounded by nature far away from neighbors or a big city but that is what I desire. Serenity, solitude & peace are things that are priceless to me, although I do realize I'll have to keep writing to pay for that serenity but it's the serenity that forges my desire to write which helps me find solitude. Funny how that works isn't it?

I'm going to spend my next twenty years dancing, maybe slow dancing, as I'm not moving like I used to ten years ago, but I'm dancing just the same. I want my soul to shine with such joy that all those mystic types think I have an aura, when in fact it's soul shine. I'm striving each day to be right with God in heaven. I know I'm doing better each day at that job but I'm no where near as good as I should be. I'll keep on working on myself because as it turns out I'm quite flawed. Aren't we all? I will keep on listening to my inner music humming a tune as I dance to my own beat. I want for my last words to be, "Now that was a dance."

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan

Author of the reality check satirical book "Get Beach Slapped"
www.getbeachslapped.com
@thebeachwife on Twitter
Get Beach Slapped page on Facebook

The story does not end when one leaves the stage

    

                           written by Lisa Morgan                                               2/21/2016

 

 

The sands of time will never erase the impression you have made upon my soul. ~ Lisa Morgan

It was laid upon my heart today to write this blog post. I'm not sure why. What matters is that it will hopefully touch one person out there with a heavy heart or a hardened heart.

There is always that day in your life when someone close to your heart & soul passes away from this life leaving you asking why. Why is that person dead? Why is the world still turning? Why are people laughing? Can't everyone see the anguish you're feeling, the heart wrenching agony of a love lost or a friend lost? Why is the world not stopping as I mourn? It does not seem fair.

The truth is it is not fair but your mama always told you life was not fair or she should have told you that anyway. The reason the world keeps turning, the reason people continue to laugh, marriages take place, first kisses happen, the birds sing, women go into labor with the newest arrivals to this Earth is quite simple, so simple in fact, that while you grieve it makes no sense.

Life goes on after each life passes away because it must be that way. God is no respecter of persons; meaning no one is more important than the other. Whether you are a king or a pauper, a rock star or homeless person, from America, Africa, Saudi Arabia, China, Israel or anyplace in between. no one is greater than the next to God, for we are all equal in his eyes. if everything stopped for one then it would mean that life was more important than the next life or the previous life. The only time the skies went pitch black in the mid afternoon without the sun was when Jesus Christ died on the cross at Calvary. The earth moaned at what had taken place as the Son of God was crucified, after the people prayed for a savior & God sent his only begotten Son to the world, they rejected him. They were foretold centuries earlier how his birth would take place & of the holiness but the people were of the world, so they refused to see Jesus as the Christ. When you are of the world or emerged in the ways of the world, then you can not see what is right in front of your face because you have the sight of the world & not the sight of grace.
When you have the sight of grace or you walk with God, having accepted his Son Jesus or Yeshua (in the Hebrew language, there is no "J" sound in the Hebrew language, Ye-shoo-ah) then you see things with more clarity, as your spiritual eyes, ears along with your physical eyes & ears are opened; whereby you see the ways of the world for what they actually are which is not of God.

I said all that to state the obvious, no one among us, before us or after us will cause the world to stop, except Jesus/Yeshua. No one is greater than the next, we are all children of God our creator. We all have the exact same opportunity to love God, to honor him, to serve him, to accept his Son Jesus/Yeshua as our savior, as God loves us all the same. We will all be judged based on our deeds. You see the world must go on, children will continue to laugh, people will still fall in love, babies will enter into the world screaming to declare they have arrived. It is just as it should be. The lovers kissing, the puppies playing, birds singing, babies cooing & children laughing are to bring hope to the grieving soul, with the knowledge that life will go on with promise. The laughter, singing, sunshine, rain & yes the screams of a new born babe entering into the world are here to bring joy to the grieving soul.

Grieve for the ones who you have lost. They will not be coming back to you in this lifetime thus you are saddened as you should be but rejoice after that knowing that one day you will again see them in heaven. After the pain subsides, one day you will smile again as you hear laughter, you will laugh as your soul heals, you will most certainly never forget those that have made a lasting impression upon your soul; this is as it should be. There is a time for everything. I say this to all who are saddened, "This too shall pass." You will find you soul shine again just wait for it.

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan
Go to my web page www.getbeachslapped.com 

Author of the satirical reality check book Get Beach Slapped.
A book filled with reality checks, seasoned with life experiences, peppered with satirical humor & doused with a healthy portion of Southern charm. Download it today or purchase the paperback version. Thank you for your time to read this blog.

I had a Farmhouse in America (spoken in Meryl Streep's voice)...A Funny farm!

I'm seriously considering purchasing a farmhouse. I thought I'd never move again. "Never say never for that is exactly what you will do" is my mother's motto and yes my mother is once again correct, as always. I am on a quest to find the perfect or imperfect farmhouse to acquire before I retire. Hmmmm.... kind of catchy don't you think? I will be blogging throughout the process which I'm sure there will have many ups and downs, as all home buying experiences usually possess. Oddly enough I feel like I'm coming home in my soul and yes I suppose I am coming back home. Who said you can never go back home? Oh yes that would have been my dearly departed Dad many, many moons ago when I was in my early twenties.

Actually a farmhouse anywhere in the south would suit me. Alabama, Georgia, Tennessee, South or North Carolina maybe Florida or Louisiana. Texas is not out of the running. The idea of having acreage with fruit trees, a garden, a view, a flowing creek appeals to the down to earth side of me. Getting back to my country girl roots is something that I would not have envisioned a decade ago. My how things change! It reminds me of what my mama has always said, "Be careful what you say you won't do, for it's exactly what you will end up doing, if you're not careful." Funny how God's plans for our lives will supersede our plotted out distorted version of paradise. Sometimes that dirt road looks mighty appealing especially when walking another step on pavement seem impractical.

I've always wanted to give my homestead a name. A name that reflects who my husband & I are so I think the farmhouse will be christened "Solitude". My husband's name is Sol, so the name Solitude would announce to the world that "Sol" & "Tude" reside here.

What about a barn? I could sit in the loft of the barn after a day of working in the garden & I could chronicle the events of the day from sunrise to sunset. Can't you just see me doing an old school version of reality TV, where you read what is happening with the occasional snapshot, to give you the visual. There would be no list of all the meals or snacks ingested because in reality who cares!? The chronicles would be about the ups & downs of farm life. The moments of laughter, intensity or excitement when the garden or fruit tress spring forth their bounty from the earth. Yes moments of gratitude, harmony mingled with dirty jeans & un-manicured nails & salon free days. I'm up for the challenge! Let the games begin.....that sounds like I'm an Olympiad, which is absurd. Let the best of the rest of my life begin!

I can see myself sipping tea from the back porch of the elusive back porch, target shooting at a series of tin cans lined up across the property as my hubby picks up the cans & re-positions them on top of old wooden wine barrels. He would ask me if I'd like a refill of tea & what my dinner menu consisted of as he walks through the screen door to start the laundry. The dogs are all holding their dinner bowls while the cats are sleeping on the porch swing. The catfish are jumping, old paddle wheels pumping and something is off. Did my hubby just refill my tea glass & ask me what I wanted for dinner as he went to do laundry? Wait I must have dozed off for a moment! Well a girl can dream can't she? Call that moment reality checked!

The quest to find my farmhouse in America has begun. I sit here typing gazing out my office window watching the blue jays chasing squirrels around the trees. The dragonflies are zipping to & fro while the butterflies are fluttering as butterflies do. My cats are stalking the elusive dragonflies. The dogs are basking lazily in the afternoon sun ignoring the curious squirrels scampering around the trees. The birds have spotted the seeds I tossed out for them. I love the way nature knows exactly what it is to be doing, while humanity seems somehow stumped by our need to control life & everything around us. Humanity wants to "fix" what God has created or to "enhance" God's creations. We fail miserably, create chaos & call ourselves successful masters of the universe, as if we are playing some gigantic video game in a virtual world. I think that the birds, squirrels, cats, dogs, butterflies, bees & butterflies have more sense than most humans. Maybe what I need to do is get back to nature, learn to relax, put my hands in the dirt, kick off my shoes & tune out the noise. God provides for all of his creations. I have faith that it will all turn out the way that it should.
My foot has fallen asleep which is code for me to leave this desk chair to venture outside. I hear a glass of green tea calling my name.

I'm quite sure there will be a book written about this journey. Maybe I'll call it "Down on the Funny Farm"? You can purchase my last book Get Beach Slapped online at bookstores & ebook sites or go to my webpage for links.

Thank you for taking your time to join me,
Lisa Morgan 

Follow me on Twitter @thebeachwife.
my Facebook page Get Beach Slapped
 
www.getbeachslapped.com
#humor #lifelessons #realitycheck  #home #alabama #farm #family #getbeachslapped #book #farmhouse #blogger #humor

Reality Checks are the Answer to Selfies

written by Lisa Morgan                     7/15/2015

Is everyone on earth as sick & tired of seeing selfies as I am or am I the only non narcissistic person left on the planet? Surely I jest! No I'm very serious about this topic. There was a time not that long ago when another person would take a snapshot of you, but now it's all the rage to take selfies doing absolutely anything or nothing as the case may be. I personally draw the hard line in the sand over the selfies sticks. Really people? Do we really need to take selfies of ourselves enough that someone devised a stick...a stick I said that holds your phone in order to get a better selfie or group pic on your cell phone. 

Wow! We are a world of self indulgent people who are nothing more than lab rats for corporations. 

"Make it & they will buy it"  should be the slogan for Americans. We need a technology intervention, especially when it comes to selfies because I do not want to know nor do I care about what you are eating, what your expression was when you woke up or when you got drunk at the local pub not to mention

everything in between.

Being self centered has gone to an all time high and an all time low at the same time. What ever happened to flipping open your wallet to reveal a four foot long trail of pictures of your family, pets & friends? Most people only had a picture of themselves on their driver's license in their wallet back before smart phones. Don't get me started on the "smart phone"! Now people have more selfies on their smart phone than they do of family, pets or friends, as a general rule anyway. This is a sign of the times & yes the times are changing my friends. Change is not always a good thing, in fact it can lead to falling hard. I just hope when people wake up from the selfie nightmare that they have had some common sense knocked back into their heads, when they fell back into reality. Reality checks do bounce you know! I for one know that reality checks bounce. When your reality check bounces make sure you Get Beach Slapped with humor cause you're going to need it. Falling on your butt is never fun but if you were traveling on the road less traveled, the dirt road when your stormy days encompassed you just before your reality check, then your fall on your butt may have been softened by the puddle of mud that the storm you were in created. You see God will always leave you a way out if you trust in him, which does not mean you will never fall, you most certainly will because you are after all human; it just means your fall may have a bounce to it. So don't worry about that last five or ten pounds you've been trying to lose because you may need some padding on your butt the next time you fail & have a reality check. A thud is always worse than a splash! 

I suppose you get the picture on my opinion of selfies, no pun intended.....actually it was intended. Let's see a picture of  the beach instead of a selfie. I hope you like this one and it helps to put your mind into a state of Soulshine, which is by far the best state to be in, sorry Florida you are my next favorite state.

You gotta love it!

Here's a picture that needs no words.

 Get Beach Slapped!

Thanks for spending some of your time with me, your time is more valuable than money,

Lisa Morgan

Author of the satirical reality check book Get Beach Slapped 

www.getbeachslapped.com

Get Beach Slapped: to get slapped with a wave of information or a Reality Check

 

Have you been Beach Slapped? GET BEACH SLAPPED today! Beach Slapped is like a reality check with injections of humor. Life lessons do not come without a price & this one is probably on sale somewhere. This book was written at a time when after losing my Dad, being married most of my adult life, I was trying to find myself. I started writing after a long hiatus and I discovered that my brain wanted to speak out on a whole laundry list of topics, even though my mouth never seems to cease talking. Apparently my brain may not always be engaged when my mouth is conversing. Well imagine that?!

Get Beach Slapped is basically an introduction into my world. The Beach Chronicles will be a 3 part series of books filled with reality checks, stories, humor, one liners, life lessons and hopefully usable wisdom. My mother always said,"Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself." Learn from my mistakes & of those around me that I write about, believe it's much easier than living through the chaos.

 The short version is my name is Lisa Morgan aka The Beach Wife and I'm in the "F'ers" Club (over Forty-Fifty Club), married  27 years to a professional  musician, that I've been with for 31 years. Can I just get an applause & a cheers to that statement? We live with our furry children of whom almost all are rescues. Just when you thought life was going according to your plans, Boom life throws you a curve ball or in my case a ball of clumped cat litter. Read on & it will make sense.

                    

At last count we have 5 dogs, 3 of whom are 5 1/2 lbs or less so they really are more like rats than dogs, 1 is about 11 lbs & one is about 80 lbs. The 11 lb. rescue was put on a plane from Cali & flown out to me, so she wouldn't be euthanized. I still am not sure that I ever actually said," Sure go ahead & fly me dog on a Delta flight & I'll pick her up at the airport." It just somehow happened that I got a flutter of texts & the next thing I know the new arrival is to be picked up the following morning at the airport. Now do note that the day of her arrival was my hubby's birthday, which made it easier to break the news to him. It also helped that she took to him immediately & started sitting on his lap in his recliner to watch TV.

The two cats both have identity crisis's, one is 17 years old & has come to think of herself as a dog and she also views the newest rescued feline as a nuisance. The newest feline is a whirling dervish who's only a year old now and she is a country girl at heart who rolls in the dirt.  She loves to play football & wrestle with the dogs when she's not running up a tree. When the whirling dervish cat was about 10 weeks old she started throwing her litter box clumps at me, after she had done her business in the litter box. Mind you, she went directly to the litter box on day one of her rescue & she was only 5-6 weeks old. I thought at the time she wanted a clean litter box, No she wanted to play. She mounted aerial assaults at me every time I entered the bathroom & she would get annoyed when I scooped out the litter box removing her urine clumps or as they came to be known the "pee balls". She finally out grew the tossing of pee balls, thankfully. She does sometimes sit on the toilet though. Never a dull moment at Morgan manor. Life threw me a clumped up pee ball with 2 more rescues, but I love them both dearly. You can never map out your life according to your GPS because sometimes your GPS loses signal. God will have a totally different route planned for you. I found it to be much easier to follow God's planned route for me, than to deviate from God's route. Inevitably when I would take my route there would be pot holes, washed out roads, traffic jams & accidents. It's much easier to daily ask God to lead your way & his will to be done. You will have bumps in the road mingled with dark storms but God will show you a way out, for God's GPS does not lose signal. Learn from the mistakes of others, you can't live long enough to make them all yourself.

                                           

                    The Whirling Dervish feline on her throne, she is a royal pain sometimes but I love her!

This is starting to feel like one of those moments, when someone pulls out their wallet & out falls a plethora of pictures of the family. Actually I just truly dated myself severely. No one carries pics in their wallets anymore, they carry cell phones filled with selfies. Silly me! Color me old school.

 Now you know why I write, for my sanity. Keeping my sense of humor also is for my sanity and for those around me who enjoy the serenity of silence while I'm writing. I read somewhere that writing is an introverted profession, which is true. You listen to your own thoughts, your brain contemplates what your fingers will do next as they type. Believe me my brain and my fingers do not always agree and sometimes that is not a pretty sight.

Let me post one more pic just for the fun of it. The lovely beaches of Florida where I call home. Life is a beach & my alter ego when I write is the "beach wife". Thanks for reading my blog & remember to rescue, adopt or foster animals. Animals give unconditional love 365 days a year; they do not care if you gain weight, have a bad hair day or if you forgot to brush your teeth because their love is unconditional.

  

www.getbeachslapped.com is the web page to find all the links for my book Get Beach Slapped

Download your copy from Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Google Play, Apple itunes 

Thanks for spending your time to read this blog, your time is more valuable than money.

Lisa Morgan aka The Beach Wife 

Follow me on Twitter @thebeachwife

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